Niskize

You don’t know the battles I’ve fought
The struggles I’ve faced !
You don’t realize the depth of my sorrow
So before you judge, just wait, niskize !

Don’t mock me with your words of scorn
Don’t criticize me from dusk till morn
Your harsh remarks don’t offer insight
They only push me further from the light

My pain runs deep, it’s a part of me
It’s only I who truly see
The struggles I endure day by day
So take a moment, niskize !

I may seem weak when tears fall down
But crying is my way, my sound
Of releasing the pain that weighs me down
Of letting go of the burdens I’ve found

Don’t label me as frail or meek
Just listen to the words I speak
I have a story that needs to be told
A tale of pain and  courage bold

So before you pass judgment on me
Take a moment, niskize !
The strength it takes to face each day
To keep going despite the wear out

I am not defined by my tears
But by the battles fought through the years
So next time you see me cry
Remember, it’s not a sign of weakness, but of strength inside

Don’t underestimate the power of a tear
The release it brings, the healing near
So before you speak, just listen first
To the story of pain and hurt

I may not be what you expect
But my strength lies in the tears unchecked
So listen to my words, my plea
And see the true strength in me.

@okelododdychitchats

Still, I am

I didn’t get the privilege of being born in a hospital. My mother labored in my grandmother’s smoky kitchen. They were with my late father, who tried rushing her to Lwak hospital, but I grew weary of the womb’s care for, I was eager to taste the world’s sweetness and bitterness alike, I had to step into the light and meet it head-on. I came out right outside the fence, and my grandmother, Stella or if you like  Min Ombewa, delivered me.

I was born in Asembo, my paternal home. A place I hardly know, a place I hardly visit, but a place I recognize much with. That’s why I call myself Jakolal, because Kolal is my village,Kolal is in Asembo.

When I was four, wait, I didn’t get the chance to be light-skinned when I was born. Kids are often light when birthed, but the colors of their skin often change after tasting the different rays of the sun. Their skin changes, picking the shades of their parents’ skin. Biology calls it genetics. The point is, the skin changes and sometimes becomes hard with pimples on the face and sometimes with a lot of hair standing straight on the surface. They change! I was dark at birth, and still, I am. My father, Isaiah Oguta Ngesa Nyakwar Okelo found a way of making me comfortable wearing the dark skin. He called me Rateng‘. Rateng’ means black. He narrated to me during free time how well black is priceless as the first breath of dawn after a long night. I love black ! Black is beautiful. I love my skin. I owe it to my dad.

One night after his karate sessions, he complained of pains. My mother says  it was sharp pains that gripped his chest, something like asthma, yet they called it typhoid. I still wonder how chest pains and typhoid dance together in the same space. He was rushed to Aga Khan Hospital Kisumu, and on February 14, 2002, he slept, closed his eyes eternally. His brain stopped functioning. Everything in his world stopped. He rested. Mama was only 26. I am told she was only earning Ksh. 1000 as a Board of Manager teacher. She had kids and a family to take care of. She remained strong, productive and everything positive. We never lacked. We never knew poverty. We saw all good and got at least everything we wanted. I just didn’t get to practice karate anymore because my company was gone! After he was gone, he took the name Rateng‘ with him. Nobody else knew me as that. Nobody called me that except my uncle, Dr. Odongo. But with that alone, I knew how priceless my skin color was. I wore it with courage growing up. I miss the one who made me comfortable in it, but fate had just brought it that way. Sad!

Forget that though. My mother left footprints of success in the sands of time. She did all a mother could and more, and that’s why I hold her dear. That’s why my best sentence begins with the word “Mum.” My definition of love begins with the word “Mum.” My definition of beauty begins with the word “Mum.” My definition of strong begins with the word “Mum.” Her display of substance and appearance makes her just the best. She is the best!

This doesn’t concern you, but I am still dark. My mum is dark too. We wear this fine melanin, black chocolata skin with beauty and pride.

@okelododdychitchats

Why

Why does misunderstanding want to steal my love for you
But why does myopicness cloud my vision of our future
Why does laziness rob me of the riches I wish to share with you
And why does ego deceive me into thinking listening is a weakness
Why does society label submission as toxic masculinity
Yet everything appears hazy, not from desire, but from perception

Why does social media pressure me to doubt our worth
Why does society foster division between our tribes
When our chemistry is as seamless as water mixing with wine
Why do these barriers threaten to break us apart

Misunderstanding lurks in the shadows, waiting to strike
Myopic eyes fail to see the beauty in our shared destiny
Laziness creeps in, stealing the potential of our union
Ego whispers lies, poisoning my willingness to listen
Society’s expectations weigh heavy, clouding my judgment
Yet deep down, I know our love is pure and true

Social media may try to plant seeds of doubt
But I know our worth, our bond unbreakable
Society’s labels cannot define the love we share
Our tribes may be different, but our hearts beat as one

So I will fight against the forces that seek to tear us apart
I will silence the doubts and fears that threaten our love
For in the end, it is only you that I see
And nothing will ever come between you and me.

@okelododdychitchats

Black is Beautiful

I am a black kid, they say, a child of the night
With skin as dark as the ebony sky
But is black truly beautiful, or just a lie?
A lie told to comfort those who fear the unknown
I am rich in melanin, they say, but is it a gift or a curse?
My rough, hairy skin a canvas of deep brown hues

They say black ain’t good enough, sio rangi ya thao
That beauty lies in lighter tones, like vanilla or cream
But what about the beauty in diversity?
In the rich shade of colors that make up humanity
Should I be bold with my blackness, embrace it with pride?
Or hide in shame, letting their words pierce my fragile heart

I try to see beauty in my reflection, but all I see is darkness
Ugly thoughts creeping into my mind, telling me I’m less than
Forget my big ears, they say, it’s all about my skin
My skin that marks me as different, as other
They call me a monkey, comparing my hair to fur
As if my blackness makes me less than human

I walk the streets with my head held low
Feeling the weight of their stares, their judgment
They see a criminal in me, not a child
A child with dreams and hopes, just like any other
Do I not belong to this world, to this society?
Or am I destined to always be an outsider

But I refuse to let their words define me
I am more than just a shade of black
I am a child of the night, yes, but also a child of the sun
I am rich in melanin, my skin a testament to my roots
I am beautiful in my own right, in my own way
And I will walk with confidence, no matter what they say

So let them call me black, let them call me ugly
I will wear my darkness like a crown
For I am a black kid, proud and unapologetic
A reminder that beauty comes in all shades
And that true beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder
I am a black kid, and I am beautiful.

@okelododdychitchats

Be My Guest

Be my guest, come sit with me
Listen to the silent shadows play
As the sun sets and night begins to fall
Let me share my story with you
Don’t judge me too quickly
Look beyond the surface, see the real me

I may seem quiet, but my soul speaks loudly
In the echo of these silent shadows
I have been hurt, but I am not broken
I have faced challenges, but I am not defeated
I have scars, but they do not define me
I am more than the sum of my parts

I invite you to see the beauty in my imperfections
To find the grace in my flaws
To witness the strength in my vulnerability
And the resilience in my tears
I am a masterpiece in progress
A work of art still being painted

So be my guest, take a seat and stay awhile
Let me open up my heart to you
Let me share my hopes and fears
My joys and my sorrows
Let me be real with you
In this moment of pure honesty

I am not perfect, but I am trying
I am not flawless, but I am sincere
I am not without my faults, but I am genuine
I am only human after all
Travelling this wild journey called life

So don’t be quick to judge
Don’t dismiss me with a glance
Don’t assume you know my story
Until you have heard it from my lips
Until you have seen it in my eyes
Until you have felt it in your heart

Be my guest, and let us connect
Through the shared experience of being alive
Through the universal language of love
Through the power of empathy and compassion
Let us break down the walls that divide us
And build bridges of understanding

In this moment of vulnerability
In this space of openness and truth
Let us find common ground
Let us see each other as we truly are
Let us embrace our differences
And celebrate our humanity

So be my guest, dear friend
And let us embark on this journey together
Of healing and growth
Of connection and transformation
Let us be witnesses to each other’s stories
And find strength in our shared humanity

For in the end, we are all just travelers
On this vast and mysterious road
Searching for meaning and purpose
Seeking love and connection
So let us be kind to one another
And may our hearts be forever open

Be my guest, dear soul
And let us be companions
In this dance of life
In this symphony of existence
Let us walk hand in hand
And find solace in each other’s presence

For together, we are stronger
Together, we are whole
Together, we are infinite
So be my guest, my love
And let us journey together
Into the depths of our souls

Let us uncover the truths that lie within
Let us embrace the shadows
And dance in the light
For in each other, we find home
In each other, we find peace
In each other, we find ourselves

So be my guest, my dear
And let us be one
In this beautiful threads of life
For you are my guest
And I am yours
Together, we are forever.

@okelododdychitchats

When I Die

When I die, my body will lie still,
No longer will it feel the thrill
Of life’s wild ride, of joy and pain,
No longer will it dance in the rain.

The beating of my heart will cease,
No longer will it bring me peace
In moments of excitement and fear,
No longer will it whisper in my ear.

My eyes will close, no longer to see
The wonders of the world around me,
The colors, the beauty, the light,
Gone forever into the night.

My ears will hear no more sweet sound,
No laughter, no music will be found
To soothe my soul, to lift me high,
To make me smile, to make me cry.

My hands will lay at my side,
No longer will they be my guide
In reaching out to touch, to feel,
To hold onto what is real.

My legs will no longer walk,
No longer will they run or talk
In the language of movement, of grace,
No longer will they set the pace.

But when I die, I will not mourn,
For I will be reborn
Into the arms of eternity,
Into the embrace of infinity.

I will become one with the earth,
A part of the never-ending birth
Of life and death, of love and pain,
Of sunshine and of rain.

I will become a memory,
A whisper in the wind that is free
To dance and sing and fly,
To soar into the endless sky.

When I die, do not weep for me,
For I will be forever free
From the chains of mortal life,
From the struggles and the strife.

I will be a spirit pure and bright,
A star shining in the night,
A beacon of hope, a ray of light,
Guiding you through the darkest night.

So when I die, remember me,
Not as I was, but as I will be
In the realms of the unknown,
In the mysteries yet to be shown.

For death is not an end, but a beginning,
A new chapter in the story still spinning
Of life and love and dreams,
Of what is not as it seems.

@okelododdychitchats

Can I

In Kenya,  where diversity thrives
Where different tribes exist, each with their own vibes
Can I be Luo, without being branded with pride
Can I be seen for who I am, and not what others decide

Can I be a Luo man, without being called a cheat
Can I walk with my head held high, without deceit
Can I be Kisii, without anger being my label
Can I break free from stereotypes, without any trouble

Can I be Kikuyu, without being called a thief
Can I rise above the assumptions, with belief
Can she be a Kikuyu lady without being feared as a husband killer
Can she lead with integrity, with respect revered

Can I be Kamba, without being called a witch
Can I live my life freely, without any glitch
Can she be a Kamba woman, without being seen as promiscuous
Can she be respected for her virtues, not seen as frivolous

Can I be Luhya, without trading everything for food
Can I break free from stereotypes, for my own good
Can I wear my dreadlocks, without being judged as a thug
Can I express myself freely, without getting shrugged

Can she have a nose piercing, without being called a slut
Can she have a tattoo on her thigh, without needing a rebut
Can I drive a Subaru, without being labeled as a fuck boy
Can I enjoy my ride, without causing any dismay

Can I be a man, wear my beards, without being seen as a dog
Can I be a man, without living in a fog
Can I be a Gen Z, without being seen as spoiled
Can I break away from stereotypes, without being coiled

Can I live in Roysambu, without being scandalous
Can I be judged for who I am, without being hazardous
Can she live in Umoja, without being a single mother
Can she be respected for her choices, without any bother

Can I be just me, black, bold, and beautiful
Can I embrace my uniqueness, without feeling dutiful
Can we break free from stereotypes, and just be
Can we live in harmony, and set ourselves free

So let us rise above the misconceptions and lies
Let us stand strong, with unity as our ties
Let us embrace our differences, and celebrate diversity
For in the end, we are all one, in this world of adversity.

@okelododdychitchats

Shadows of the Mind

Depression, a silent thief,
Stealing joy and peace away,
Manifesting in hidden grief,
Invisibly, it holds its sway.

Its shadow, heavy and dark,
Cloaks the day in endless gloom,
Leaving its victims stark,
Lost in sadness, trapped in doom.

The sufferers, masked in pain,
Put on a brave face for the world,
Hiding tears, going insane,
Their souls in turmoil swirled.

Some may turn to drink,
To numb the ache within,
But the sorrow still sinks,
Deeper, beneath the skin.

Others choose to stay sober,
Facing their demons head-on,
Resisting the urge to bend over,
Or from their troubles, to be gone.

Silent cries in the night,
Desperate whispers to the void,
Hoping for a sliver of light,
In a world that’s been destroyed.

Restless turmoil, sleepless nights,
Insomnia’s cruel embrace,
Their minds locked in endless fights,
Struggling to find some grace.

Their blood runs hot with pain,
A relentless, unseen flame,
Burning deep, driving them insane,
In the darkness, they call out a name.

What spurs this specter forth,
From its hidden, darkened lair?
What causes it to grip so tight,
Pulling souls into the pit of despair?

Is it a whisper in the wind,
A silent snare that tightens its hold?
Or is it diagnosed in broad daylight,
A truth that is stark and bold?

In the early stages, the signs appear,
Subtle hints of a storm to come,
In life’s fragile book, turning year by year,
Seeking solace, seeking some.

Survival in this endless fight,
Requires strength from deep within,
To chase away the darkest night,
And let the light of hope begin.

So reach out to those in need,
Offer a hand, a listening ear,
For in our unity, we can succeed,
In battling the darkness, fighting the fear.

Depression may linger, may stay,
But together, we can weather the storm,
With love and compassion as our ray,
We can find peace, and our souls can be warm.

@okelododdychitchats

What An Evening !

Rain begins to fall, and the scene from the 18th floor of View Park Towers is pleasing to look at. The droplets of rainwater fall gently on the roofs of the cars in the parking lot. At this moment, I am speaking to Victor, he prefers to be called Oito. He is showing me an aesthetically pleasing seat on his phone. As I admire the seat and rethink the black hole in my bank account, Sandy calls. Sandy is my childhood friend, a lawyer working at a law firm located in Utalii House, which is just a block away from View Park. I told her I am around, and since she is a lawyer and lawyers rock suits, I am eager to make her one or a beautiful collection.

After the rain, I pick her up from the ground floor, and we head straight to Louise Carre’s humble offices on the 18th floor. Louise Carre is the company name, and yes, we tailor suits. We agree on the fabrics and styles, and as we wait for the rain to stop since it’s started again, we talk about our childhood and catch up on how easy or hard life has become. Victor is glued to his phone, probably working on a quotation. When he’s done, the rain reduces, and we get going.

We walk slowly towards Downtown, with water splashing gently on my cap. Victor has a big jacket on, seemingly unaffected by the rain, and Sandy is covering herself with an umbrella that looks newer than its age. She says she’s had it since she was in form one, over eight years ago. She’s a keeper, right? What brings us together is the water splashing on our shoes and how well we dodge the puddles. We all think it’s high time we get ourselves cars.

We reach Archives, a central landmark for people unfamiliar with Nairobi. There are always people waiting around, usually with confusion on their faces, trying to find something or someone. But this evening, we see a train long line of people waiting to board Super Metro to Thika, all standing in the rain. I look at them and think, “this can never be me!” We walk a few blocks and find another huge line of people waiting for a bus to Civil Servants, the posh name for Kariobangi South. This time, I critique out loud, saying I can’t wait that long for a bus or stand in the rain for one. Little did I know what awaited me.

Around Afya House, I bid Sandy and Victor goodbye. Sandy is picking something for her mum before heading home, and Victor is catching one of those noisy matatus, commonly called “manyanga,” to Ngong’. I walk straight to Afya Center, then take a right turn towards Utimo Sacco Bus Stop because I know with this type of rain, all Ummoiner or Salty Supporters buses are not coming to CBD. I find myself in a very long line, longer than the ones I critiqued. With no other option, I decide to make the line. Thirty minutes into the queue, not a single bus has arrived. The line hasn’t moved an inch; it’s just getting longer as more people come and complain about the lack of buses to Umoja.

I’m eavesdropping while minding my own business. At this time, there are a lot of thoughts in my head, like imagining a guy wearing a smaller shoe size than his girlfriend’s. These thoughts mix with the chaos around me: people pushing to pass, hawkers trying to catch customers, drunkards saying unwise things, and the rain offering us a free shower along the crowded Mfangano Street.

We wait, and it’s now two hours. We start talking to each other, looking with envy as Super Metro buses keep coming for passengers to Kitengela. We talk and notice people paying to hijack the line. As Godsent Gen-Zs, we intervene and fight for our rights to the next bus!

Long story short, I was at the bus stop at 1830 hrs, left town at 2139 hrs, and got home soaked in God-given water at 2240 hrs. I can’t believe it took more than four hours! That’s enough time for Victor to drive from Nairobi to Rongo. What an evening!

@okelododdychitchats

How Does the Divine Look?

Hey God,

Can we glimpse You or catch Your sound?

What shades adorn Your shape, Your attire?

Are You a man in rugged, snug trousers?

Or perhaps a woman in a skirt – floor-length or short,
With cosmetics that gleam, vivid or subtle?

What footwear would You sport on Your soles?

Do You wear Your locks long and free?

If so, why must we trim and groom,
Crop our hair, conform to norms?
Is lengthy or cropped hair improper?
Does one style win for tidiness?

You favor short hair as a mark of restraint?
Or is this neatness just our myth?

What of tight, untamed dreadlocks,
For African people – not acceptable?
Did You declare dreads label wrongdoers,
That paradise bars these individuals?

What ethics guide Your celestial design?
Does facial fuzz thrive in Your sacred realm?

Is Your face graced with whiskers so fine,
Or did humans conjure this bristly notion?

Which race claims You as its own?

@okelododdychitchats