If I Fail to Wake Up Tomorrow

If I fail to wake up tomorrow,
Know that I fought with all my might
Against the demons that plagued my mind
I battled through the darkness
But in the end, I couldn’t find the light
My soul was weary, my heart was tired
And I found solace in stepping into eternity,

If I don’t wake up tomorrow,
Tell my friends I’ll miss them dearly
The laughter, the memories, the tears we shared
Will forever be carved  in my  silent whispers lost in time
I hope they find peace in knowing
That I am finally free from the pain
That haunted me every waking moment
I’ll be watching over them from above

If I fail to wake up tomorrow,
Promise me you’ll take care of yourself
Don’t dwell on what could have been
Live your life to the fullest, cling to the warmth of joy
That I could never fully appreciate
Treasure like gold every sunrise, every sunset
And know that I am always with you
In spirit, in memory, in love

If I don’t wake up tomorrow,
Tell the world my story
Let my struggles be a lesson
That mental health is not a joke
That a smile can hide a world of hurt
And that reaching out for help
Is not a sign of weakness, but of strength
Break the stigma, break the silence

If I fail to wake up tomorrow,
Know that I am at peace
No longer shackled by my fears
No longer drowning in my tears
I am free to soar amongst the stars
To dance in the moonlight, to bask in the sun
I am finally whole, finally content
In the arms of endless rest.

Let my legacy be one of love
Of kindness, of compassion
And may my journey to the beyond  bring awareness
To the struggles we all face
So if I fail to wake up tomorrow
Know that I am at peace
And that I will always be watching over you
From the heavens above.

@okelododdychitchats

Niskize

You don’t know the battles I’ve fought
The struggles I’ve faced !
You don’t realize the depth of my sorrow
So before you judge, just wait, niskize !

Don’t mock me with your words of scorn
Don’t criticize me from dusk till morn
Your harsh remarks don’t offer insight
They only push me further from the light

My pain runs deep, it’s a part of me
It’s only I who truly see
The struggles I endure day by day
So take a moment, niskize !

I may seem weak when tears fall down
But crying is my way, my sound
Of releasing the pain that weighs me down
Of letting go of the burdens I’ve found

Don’t label me as frail or meek
Just listen to the words I speak
I have a story that needs to be told
A tale of pain and  courage bold

So before you pass judgment on me
Take a moment, niskize !
The strength it takes to face each day
To keep going despite the wear out

I am not defined by my tears
But by the battles fought through the years
So next time you see me cry
Remember, it’s not a sign of weakness, but of strength inside

Don’t underestimate the power of a tear
The release it brings, the healing near
So before you speak, just listen first
To the story of pain and hurt

I may not be what you expect
But my strength lies in the tears unchecked
So listen to my words, my plea
And see the true strength in me.

@okelododdychitchats

Preach to me Grace

Preach to me grace,
Let my soul be restored
Let me recover from my mistakes
For the Bible tells tales of redemption
From Matthew to Revelation, the message is clear
That even in our darkest moments, we can find light

But why do you, man of God, cast me aside
When I stumble and fall?
Why do you proclaim that I am doomed
When the Scriptures teach that I can rise again?
Why do you disown me, turn your back on me
Instead of offering a helping hand?
Why do you choose mockery over compassion?

Let me rise again, for I have the fire within me
The desire to better myself, to be whole once more
I may have faltered, but I am not beyond redemption
I am still worthy of love and forgiveness
I refuse to be defined by my mistakes
I refuse to let shame and guilt consume me

Preach to me grace,
Let your words be a balm to my wounded soul
Guide me on the path of righteousness
Show me the way to redemption and healing
For I long to be free from the chains of my past

Do not forsake me, do not judge me
For I am only human, prone to mistakes
But I am also capable of great love and kindness
I have the strength to rise above my shortcomings
I have the courage to  take on my flaws
And the determination to seek forgiveness

Preach to me grace,
Let your words be a beacon of hope
Illuminate the darkness that threatens to engulf me
Lead me to a place of peace and serenity
Where I can find solace in the  cover of God’s mercy

Do not condemn me, do not push me away
For I am a child of God, worthy of love and compassion
I may have stumbled, I may have fallen
But I refuse to stay down, I refuse to be defeated
I will rise again, I will find my way back to grace

Preach to me grace,
Let your teachings be a source of strength
Empower me to overcome my weaknesses
Inspire me to be the best version of myself
For I believe in the power of redemption
In the miracle of forgiveness

Do not turn your back on me, do not abandon me
For I am in need of your guidance and support
I may have strayed from the path of righteousness
But I am ready to turn back, to seek forgiveness
I am ready to be restored, to be healed and whole once more

Preach to me grace,
Let your words be a lifeline in my darkest hour
Let your message of love and forgiveness resonate in my heart
For I long to be free from the burden of my mistakes
To find peace and redemption in the arms of God’s grace

Do not reject me, do not push me away
For I am in need of your love and compassion
I am in need of your wisdom and guidance
I long to be restored, to be redeemed
For I am a child of God, capable of great things

Preach to me grace,
Let your words be a soothing balm to my wounded soul
Guide me on the path of righteousness
Show me the way to forgiveness and healing
For I long to be free from the chains of my past

Do not judge me, do not condemn me
For I am only human, prone to mistakes
But I am also capable of great love and kindness
I have the strength to rise above my shortcomings
I have the courage to seek redemption

Preach to me grace,
For I am ready to be restored
Ready to be forgiven
Ready to rise again and reclaim my place in the light.

@okelododdychitchats

Why

Why does misunderstanding want to steal my love for you
But why does myopicness cloud my vision of our future
Why does laziness rob me of the riches I wish to share with you
And why does ego deceive me into thinking listening is a weakness
Why does society label submission as toxic masculinity
Yet everything appears hazy, not from desire, but from perception

Why does social media pressure me to doubt our worth
Why does society foster division between our tribes
When our chemistry is as seamless as water mixing with wine
Why do these barriers threaten to break us apart

Misunderstanding lurks in the shadows, waiting to strike
Myopic eyes fail to see the beauty in our shared destiny
Laziness creeps in, stealing the potential of our union
Ego whispers lies, poisoning my willingness to listen
Society’s expectations weigh heavy, clouding my judgment
Yet deep down, I know our love is pure and true

Social media may try to plant seeds of doubt
But I know our worth, our bond unbreakable
Society’s labels cannot define the love we share
Our tribes may be different, but our hearts beat as one

So I will fight against the forces that seek to tear us apart
I will silence the doubts and fears that threaten our love
For in the end, it is only you that I see
And nothing will ever come between you and me.

@okelododdychitchats

Black is Beautiful

I am a black kid, they say, a child of the night
With skin as dark as the ebony sky
But is black truly beautiful, or just a lie?
A lie told to comfort those who fear the unknown
I am rich in melanin, they say, but is it a gift or a curse?
My rough, hairy skin a canvas of deep brown hues

They say black ain’t good enough, sio rangi ya thao
That beauty lies in lighter tones, like vanilla or cream
But what about the beauty in diversity?
In the rich shade of colors that make up humanity
Should I be bold with my blackness, embrace it with pride?
Or hide in shame, letting their words pierce my fragile heart

I try to see beauty in my reflection, but all I see is darkness
Ugly thoughts creeping into my mind, telling me I’m less than
Forget my big ears, they say, it’s all about my skin
My skin that marks me as different, as other
They call me a monkey, comparing my hair to fur
As if my blackness makes me less than human

I walk the streets with my head held low
Feeling the weight of their stares, their judgment
They see a criminal in me, not a child
A child with dreams and hopes, just like any other
Do I not belong to this world, to this society?
Or am I destined to always be an outsider

But I refuse to let their words define me
I am more than just a shade of black
I am a child of the night, yes, but also a child of the sun
I am rich in melanin, my skin a testament to my roots
I am beautiful in my own right, in my own way
And I will walk with confidence, no matter what they say

So let them call me black, let them call me ugly
I will wear my darkness like a crown
For I am a black kid, proud and unapologetic
A reminder that beauty comes in all shades
And that true beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder
I am a black kid, and I am beautiful.

@okelododdychitchats

When I Die

When I die, my body will lie still,
No longer will it feel the thrill
Of life’s wild ride, of joy and pain,
No longer will it dance in the rain.

The beating of my heart will cease,
No longer will it bring me peace
In moments of excitement and fear,
No longer will it whisper in my ear.

My eyes will close, no longer to see
The wonders of the world around me,
The colors, the beauty, the light,
Gone forever into the night.

My ears will hear no more sweet sound,
No laughter, no music will be found
To soothe my soul, to lift me high,
To make me smile, to make me cry.

My hands will lay at my side,
No longer will they be my guide
In reaching out to touch, to feel,
To hold onto what is real.

My legs will no longer walk,
No longer will they run or talk
In the language of movement, of grace,
No longer will they set the pace.

But when I die, I will not mourn,
For I will be reborn
Into the arms of eternity,
Into the embrace of infinity.

I will become one with the earth,
A part of the never-ending birth
Of life and death, of love and pain,
Of sunshine and of rain.

I will become a memory,
A whisper in the wind that is free
To dance and sing and fly,
To soar into the endless sky.

When I die, do not weep for me,
For I will be forever free
From the chains of mortal life,
From the struggles and the strife.

I will be a spirit pure and bright,
A star shining in the night,
A beacon of hope, a ray of light,
Guiding you through the darkest night.

So when I die, remember me,
Not as I was, but as I will be
In the realms of the unknown,
In the mysteries yet to be shown.

For death is not an end, but a beginning,
A new chapter in the story still spinning
Of life and love and dreams,
Of what is not as it seems.

@okelododdychitchats

A letter to Daddy

Dear Dad,

I hope we could meet somewhere around Nyamasaria,

I long for you to breathe again, even if it’s just one more breath,

I want to hear your voice one last time, to have it echo in my mind like a cherished songbird,

I want to see your beards, perhaps fuller than mine that stubbornly refuse to grow,

I want to touch your hands and feel their warmth,

I want to look at your face and find the resemblances between us,

I’ll ask you what you love, and what you’re afraid of losing,

I want to see your sense of style,

I want to scrutinize your smile and understand how Mum fell for you so easily,

I want to check if Stella’s shortness comes from you,

I want to study the pigment of your skin to see if my own might inherit its flawlessness,

I’ll speak to you as a man, the kind of deep, honest conversations a father and son should have,

I’ll ask you what values I should hold dear,

I’ll ask your views on polygamy,

I’ll seek your wisdom on taking care of a woman,

I want to show you my girlfriend and hear you rate her on a scale of one to ten,

With this brief moment, Dad, I’ll strive to know you better,

Please, just breathe once more, Papa.

With all my love,
Rateng’

@okelododdychitchats

See You Soon

“The ambulance cannot transport your patient to Migori,” were the indifferent words spoken by the receptionist at the hospital where my mother had been admitted for two weeks without adequate care. While I refrain from mentioning the hospital’s name, I do so out of gratitude for the exceptional care provided by some of the nurses and two doctors. Accompanied by my brother-in-law and uncle, we were in the midst of arranging a transfer to a facility closer to home for proper care. Our home is in Rongo, Migori County, and all this time, we were in the cold, unfamiliar highlands of Kikuyu town.

I know you’re wondering why we were in Kikuyu when we’re from Rongo. Just give me one second to explain. My mother was attending a women’s conference in Kiambu town, and on a Thursday evening, while heading to their hotel with her fellow female believers, she was knocked down by a speeding motorist who was drunk and driving on the wrong side of the road. I wrote about the incident, but instead of directing you to a link, allow me to paste it here!

She Loves God,

Why am I shaking in town?
I thought I was okay.
Why do I feel like crying every time my mind switches to her?

She was just smiling.
I mean, I saw her smile on that phone call.

And you know, I hear she was very happy
while joking with her mates about how they’ll receive punishment if they don’t sing for God on Sunday.

She loves God, you know.
I often hear her say how God has moved her, and I see that too….

She was at the scene from the Lord’s house, the church, of course.
She had just received that good news that she shared with me before that heartbreaking call.

That call from Daktari wa Masomo, Dr. Bernard Alaka, forget that he’s called Bernard, ‘Boy’ sounds good on him…
He told me, “Prince, Mum amepata accident. Find a cab, and I’ll send you money to come.”

I was heartbroken.
I was like, “Didn’t she just finish praying to God, and even come here because of prayer?”

You know how sometimes you can question God, not blaming Him though…
I felt mad. I was really angry.

Anyways, I took a cab and went.
Everyone was there, all worried but happy because she was alive.

I went in to see her, and she said, “Baba, Bwana Asifiwe, Umekuja ?”
I saw that from her lips; she was not able to speak.

What I saw wasn’t pleasing, but I felt hope!
And the fact that members of the church were there with me till morning kept me strong.

I didn’t call any family member until morning.
They all came; people came.

And when she saw people she knew, I saw her feeling strong.
I know you’ll be fine, Mom, thanks to all for showing the love…

It’s made the two days that I have not slept completely feel like one minute.

***




I won’t dwell on it much, but let me say all is well. Today, we’re in an ambulance, headed to a facility of our choice in Migori County. In the back of the ambulance, I’m accompanied by a paramedic from Eagles Nursing Home, her name is Patricia. She’s calm, professional, appears to be around 21 years old, wearing grey Vans shoes, and she’s scrolling  down her Samsung Galaxy Note “Something.” Beside my mother, who’s in a lot of pain and sweating profusely, sits my aunt, Nyar Seme, she looks worried. She hasn’t eaten anything since morning, and besides her concern for her sister-in-law, I bet she’s hungry and tired. I’m seated next to my mum and Patricia, the paramedic. Yes, remember her? I’m worried, asking myself when we’ll reach Rongo because I can feel my mum’s pain.

In the front, we have the driver, Jeff. I met Jeff at the hospital; he was from Garissa, bringing a patient, a police officer who was badly injured in an attack. We had just been informed that the facility ambulance couldn’t take us to Mashinani, and then God brought Jeff to us in the midst of our distress after calling several service providers whose fees we couldn’t afford. Jeff had the exact ambulance we were instructed to use. He’s a good man. He’s seated with my uncle, Uncle Oloo, the kind of man who can rescue you from anything, anytime. He loves sports, was a footballer, and enjoys doing handy jobs. Isn’t that enough with my humble descriptions?

The weather is unfriendly, Oh my God ! it’s raining heavily, I mean kunanyesha very bad, the kind of rain that I would describe as “it was raining cats and dogs” in my lower primary composition. What we’re witnessing is quite threatening; soil has been swept onto the tarmac by the waters, the road is resembling a farm where vehicles are stuck and unable to move. There’s traffic, and it’s in the middle of nowhere. Thank God, we have been given way because we are in an ambulance and we’re just utilizing one of those favors of riding in an ambulance. Anyway, we need to get to the next facility, which is almost a 4-hour drive away, real quick!

My ink is depleted, as well as my creativity for now. I can’t promise to keep you posted, but we’ll catch up on my next piece, and let me give some hope that Mum will be all right. See you soon!

@okelododdychitchats

She Loves God

Why am I shaking in town?
I thought I was okay.
Why do I feel like crying every time my mind switches to her?

She was just smiling.
I mean, I saw her smile on that phone call.

And you know, I hear she was very happy
while joking with her mates about how they’ll receive punishment if they don’t sing for God on Sunday.

She loves God, you know.
I often hear her say how God has moved her, and I see that too….

She was at the scene from the Lord’s house, the church, of course.
She had just received that good news that she shared with me before that heartbreaking call.

That call from Daktari wa Masomo, Dr. Bernard Alaka, forget that he’s called Bernard, ‘Boy’ sounds good on him…
He told me, “Prince, Mum amepata accident. Find a cab, and I’ll send you money to come.”

I was heartbroken.
I was like, “Didn’t she just finish praying to God, and even come here because of prayer?”

You know how sometimes you can question God, not blaming Him though…
I felt mad. I was really angry.

Anyways, I took a cab and went.
Everyone was there, all worried but happy because she was alive.

I went in to see her, and she said, “Baba, Bwana Asifiwe, Umekuja ?”
I saw that from her lips; she was not able to speak.

What I saw wasn’t pleasing, but I felt hope!
And the fact that members of the church were there with me till morning kept me strong.

I didn’t call any family member until morning.
They all came; people came.

And when she saw people she knew, I saw her feeling strong.
I know you’ll be fine, Mom, thanks to all for showing the love…

It’s made the two days that I have not slept completely feel like one minute.

@okelododdychitchats

Ian Gideyi

Sometimes I ask, what are thoughts? This is especially true when they are negative. Someone said something to an audience. The audience thinks, “Why are you so negative in life?” Get some positivity and you are like, “I was not telling you that to give your view. I was just speaking to free myself from these endless thoughts.” Again, what are thoughts for if the best they can do is fill us with fear and trouble our minds tirelessly? Is it for caution, not fear, as we may perceive it? What are thoughts and what are they for?

Ian Gideyi is a nice fellow. He is an air load Master  in the Kenya Airforce. He studied aviation and chose to donate his skills to protect the Nation. Is he not a fantastic and patriotic guy? Ian is that person you will always want to be next to. He is funny, bubbly, and talkative. He is wise and careful. He likely learned this in the forces or from experience. I don’t know…. Before I get to his appearance, he is quite disciplined and has an “I don’t care” attitude. That sounds like a paradox to someone who’s cautious. Ian is a lot more interesting and never boring. He wears a clean haircut with a little more hair at the centre of his circular head than on the edges. We used to call this style “pank.” Nowadays they call it a “fade.” He is short and dark. His girlfriend will surely define him as handsome. That is what a girlfriend does, blows their own horn. In the fast place she landed in that box because she thought he looks good. I am proud to walk around the streets holding his hands. Save all the qualities a woman may look for in a man, looks is always a point.

I haven’t known Ian for long. I knew of him before I met him. I often heard of him from my brother, Vin. What I would say is, I want to meet this guy. I finally met him. The last time I saw him was on a Thursday evening. I was at his place at White House Court, Umoja. He was from picking his well-maintained Toyota 110 from the mechanic and I was from work. I returned his weighing machine. We had borrowed it to weigh Vin’s luggage. We did so to ensure they did not pass the weight limit indicated on the air ticket. We wanted to avoid the embarrassment to bring back home the extras from the Airport. The weighing machine at a point helped and we packed well not to go against the stated requirements.

That evening, our conversations covered many things. They were about everything but women. I mean, men always talk about women when they are alone. This time, we talked about Vin’s recent trip to Poland. It led to a discussion on being careful and ready for anything. The conversation reminded me of a day when Ian was talking to Vin on how life can be funny. You leave for work and then you come back when you are no more. Vin’s response was, “why are you negative?” Ian told him he was not negative. He said he was speaking reality with courage. At this moment, when Ian was sharing, I reflected on things that have happened. I thought of my first day at M-Gas. We were crossing the road with a guy we had boarded a matatu with. I saw strife and hard work on his face as he made phone calls. He went first. I don’t want to say he was not careful. Or that he did not look at the road before crossing. Because I did not see where that Government Pick-Up truck came from. It knocked him down and he was lifeless. His family were waiting for him to get back home. Now, they were to go check if it was him in the cold slabs of the government mortuary. I saw a lot of accidents along Mombasa Road and Outering Road. The best I could do is feel sad and empathize with the family. All the victims were hopeful at some point. They were out for various reasons. They hoped to see their families in the evening. They were not negative. It happened. I don’t know if it is fate or if it’s the devil who lurks around sometimes. I don’t know. It happens and may their souls rest in peace.

These thoughts came to me because of what happened on Sunday, 25th, February 2024. My question is why that date of all dates. I don’t mean that some dates are bad and others are not. I mean this was the date Vin was supposed to leave for Poland for a better life (He did travel that night). It was not a coincidence, I think. I still fail to understand what it was. Vin was heading to Ian’s place. Ian lives a stone throw away from where Vin and I lived. Vin was heading there to say goodbye to some people he needed to bid farewell to. These people impacted and still impact his life. He used the same route that he uses to that place…..

Then, on that day, the watchman guarding the nearby garage decides to leave his dogs untied. The dogs, upon seeing an enemy, Vin , decided to prey on them. Vin ran. A lady who was walking next to him decided to be calm, as we are always told to be calm when dogs chase after us. Vin escaped the dog bite(s) but hurt his leg’s palm. The lady received many bites. The watchman or garage owner should be sued for letting harmful dogs roam. The dogs attacked them on a public road, not on private property. They were just walking, not invading. This incident made me think. If Vin was bitten, he would have not traveled and the chance would have gone. It was just God working miraculously and I thank Him daily. I pray for the woman to get healed and get justice. This all brings me to Ian’s caution. He says life can change in a jiffy. I realize it’s not always fear of the unknown. Sometimes it’s caution! So as Ian puts it, “Brace for Impact.”

@okelododdychitchats