Still, I am

I didn’t get the privilege of being born in a hospital. My mother labored in my grandmother’s smoky kitchen. They were with my late father, who tried rushing her to Lwak hospital, but I grew weary of the womb’s care for, I was eager to taste the world’s sweetness and bitterness alike, I had to step into the light and meet it head-on. I came out right outside the fence, and my grandmother, Stella or if you like  Min Ombewa, delivered me.

I was born in Asembo, my paternal home. A place I hardly know, a place I hardly visit, but a place I recognize much with. That’s why I call myself Jakolal, because Kolal is my village,Kolal is in Asembo.

When I was four, wait, I didn’t get the chance to be light-skinned when I was born. Kids are often light when birthed, but the colors of their skin often change after tasting the different rays of the sun. Their skin changes, picking the shades of their parents’ skin. Biology calls it genetics. The point is, the skin changes and sometimes becomes hard with pimples on the face and sometimes with a lot of hair standing straight on the surface. They change! I was dark at birth, and still, I am. My father, Isaiah Oguta Ngesa Nyakwar Okelo found a way of making me comfortable wearing the dark skin. He called me Rateng‘. Rateng’ means black. He narrated to me during free time how well black is priceless as the first breath of dawn after a long night. I love black ! Black is beautiful. I love my skin. I owe it to my dad.

One night after his karate sessions, he complained of pains. My mother says  it was sharp pains that gripped his chest, something like asthma, yet they called it typhoid. I still wonder how chest pains and typhoid dance together in the same space. He was rushed to Aga Khan Hospital Kisumu, and on February 14, 2002, he slept, closed his eyes eternally. His brain stopped functioning. Everything in his world stopped. He rested. Mama was only 26. I am told she was only earning Ksh. 1000 as a Board of Manager teacher. She had kids and a family to take care of. She remained strong, productive and everything positive. We never lacked. We never knew poverty. We saw all good and got at least everything we wanted. I just didn’t get to practice karate anymore because my company was gone! After he was gone, he took the name Rateng‘ with him. Nobody else knew me as that. Nobody called me that except my uncle, Dr. Odongo. But with that alone, I knew how priceless my skin color was. I wore it with courage growing up. I miss the one who made me comfortable in it, but fate had just brought it that way. Sad!

Forget that though. My mother left footprints of success in the sands of time. She did all a mother could and more, and that’s why I hold her dear. That’s why my best sentence begins with the word “Mum.” My definition of love begins with the word “Mum.” My definition of beauty begins with the word “Mum.” My definition of strong begins with the word “Mum.” Her display of substance and appearance makes her just the best. She is the best!

This doesn’t concern you, but I am still dark. My mum is dark too. We wear this fine melanin, black chocolata skin with beauty and pride.

@okelododdychitchats

Why

Why does misunderstanding want to steal my love for you
But why does myopicness cloud my vision of our future
Why does laziness rob me of the riches I wish to share with you
And why does ego deceive me into thinking listening is a weakness
Why does society label submission as toxic masculinity
Yet everything appears hazy, not from desire, but from perception

Why does social media pressure me to doubt our worth
Why does society foster division between our tribes
When our chemistry is as seamless as water mixing with wine
Why do these barriers threaten to break us apart

Misunderstanding lurks in the shadows, waiting to strike
Myopic eyes fail to see the beauty in our shared destiny
Laziness creeps in, stealing the potential of our union
Ego whispers lies, poisoning my willingness to listen
Society’s expectations weigh heavy, clouding my judgment
Yet deep down, I know our love is pure and true

Social media may try to plant seeds of doubt
But I know our worth, our bond unbreakable
Society’s labels cannot define the love we share
Our tribes may be different, but our hearts beat as one

So I will fight against the forces that seek to tear us apart
I will silence the doubts and fears that threaten our love
For in the end, it is only you that I see
And nothing will ever come between you and me.

@okelododdychitchats

Black is Beautiful

I am a black kid, they say, a child of the night
With skin as dark as the ebony sky
But is black truly beautiful, or just a lie?
A lie told to comfort those who fear the unknown
I am rich in melanin, they say, but is it a gift or a curse?
My rough, hairy skin a canvas of deep brown hues

They say black ain’t good enough, sio rangi ya thao
That beauty lies in lighter tones, like vanilla or cream
But what about the beauty in diversity?
In the rich shade of colors that make up humanity
Should I be bold with my blackness, embrace it with pride?
Or hide in shame, letting their words pierce my fragile heart

I try to see beauty in my reflection, but all I see is darkness
Ugly thoughts creeping into my mind, telling me I’m less than
Forget my big ears, they say, it’s all about my skin
My skin that marks me as different, as other
They call me a monkey, comparing my hair to fur
As if my blackness makes me less than human

I walk the streets with my head held low
Feeling the weight of their stares, their judgment
They see a criminal in me, not a child
A child with dreams and hopes, just like any other
Do I not belong to this world, to this society?
Or am I destined to always be an outsider

But I refuse to let their words define me
I am more than just a shade of black
I am a child of the night, yes, but also a child of the sun
I am rich in melanin, my skin a testament to my roots
I am beautiful in my own right, in my own way
And I will walk with confidence, no matter what they say

So let them call me black, let them call me ugly
I will wear my darkness like a crown
For I am a black kid, proud and unapologetic
A reminder that beauty comes in all shades
And that true beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder
I am a black kid, and I am beautiful.

@okelododdychitchats

Be My Guest

Be my guest, come sit with me
Listen to the silent shadows play
As the sun sets and night begins to fall
Let me share my story with you
Don’t judge me too quickly
Look beyond the surface, see the real me

I may seem quiet, but my soul speaks loudly
In the echo of these silent shadows
I have been hurt, but I am not broken
I have faced challenges, but I am not defeated
I have scars, but they do not define me
I am more than the sum of my parts

I invite you to see the beauty in my imperfections
To find the grace in my flaws
To witness the strength in my vulnerability
And the resilience in my tears
I am a masterpiece in progress
A work of art still being painted

So be my guest, take a seat and stay awhile
Let me open up my heart to you
Let me share my hopes and fears
My joys and my sorrows
Let me be real with you
In this moment of pure honesty

I am not perfect, but I am trying
I am not flawless, but I am sincere
I am not without my faults, but I am genuine
I am only human after all
Travelling this wild journey called life

So don’t be quick to judge
Don’t dismiss me with a glance
Don’t assume you know my story
Until you have heard it from my lips
Until you have seen it in my eyes
Until you have felt it in your heart

Be my guest, and let us connect
Through the shared experience of being alive
Through the universal language of love
Through the power of empathy and compassion
Let us break down the walls that divide us
And build bridges of understanding

In this moment of vulnerability
In this space of openness and truth
Let us find common ground
Let us see each other as we truly are
Let us embrace our differences
And celebrate our humanity

So be my guest, dear friend
And let us embark on this journey together
Of healing and growth
Of connection and transformation
Let us be witnesses to each other’s stories
And find strength in our shared humanity

For in the end, we are all just travelers
On this vast and mysterious road
Searching for meaning and purpose
Seeking love and connection
So let us be kind to one another
And may our hearts be forever open

Be my guest, dear soul
And let us be companions
In this dance of life
In this symphony of existence
Let us walk hand in hand
And find solace in each other’s presence

For together, we are stronger
Together, we are whole
Together, we are infinite
So be my guest, my love
And let us journey together
Into the depths of our souls

Let us uncover the truths that lie within
Let us embrace the shadows
And dance in the light
For in each other, we find home
In each other, we find peace
In each other, we find ourselves

So be my guest, my dear
And let us be one
In this beautiful threads of life
For you are my guest
And I am yours
Together, we are forever.

@okelododdychitchats

When I Die

When I die, my body will lie still,
No longer will it feel the thrill
Of life’s wild ride, of joy and pain,
No longer will it dance in the rain.

The beating of my heart will cease,
No longer will it bring me peace
In moments of excitement and fear,
No longer will it whisper in my ear.

My eyes will close, no longer to see
The wonders of the world around me,
The colors, the beauty, the light,
Gone forever into the night.

My ears will hear no more sweet sound,
No laughter, no music will be found
To soothe my soul, to lift me high,
To make me smile, to make me cry.

My hands will lay at my side,
No longer will they be my guide
In reaching out to touch, to feel,
To hold onto what is real.

My legs will no longer walk,
No longer will they run or talk
In the language of movement, of grace,
No longer will they set the pace.

But when I die, I will not mourn,
For I will be reborn
Into the arms of eternity,
Into the embrace of infinity.

I will become one with the earth,
A part of the never-ending birth
Of life and death, of love and pain,
Of sunshine and of rain.

I will become a memory,
A whisper in the wind that is free
To dance and sing and fly,
To soar into the endless sky.

When I die, do not weep for me,
For I will be forever free
From the chains of mortal life,
From the struggles and the strife.

I will be a spirit pure and bright,
A star shining in the night,
A beacon of hope, a ray of light,
Guiding you through the darkest night.

So when I die, remember me,
Not as I was, but as I will be
In the realms of the unknown,
In the mysteries yet to be shown.

For death is not an end, but a beginning,
A new chapter in the story still spinning
Of life and love and dreams,
Of what is not as it seems.

@okelododdychitchats

Can I

In Kenya,  where diversity thrives
Where different tribes exist, each with their own vibes
Can I be Luo, without being branded with pride
Can I be seen for who I am, and not what others decide

Can I be a Luo man, without being called a cheat
Can I walk with my head held high, without deceit
Can I be Kisii, without anger being my label
Can I break free from stereotypes, without any trouble

Can I be Kikuyu, without being called a thief
Can I rise above the assumptions, with belief
Can she be a Kikuyu lady without being feared as a husband killer
Can she lead with integrity, with respect revered

Can I be Kamba, without being called a witch
Can I live my life freely, without any glitch
Can she be a Kamba woman, without being seen as promiscuous
Can she be respected for her virtues, not seen as frivolous

Can I be Luhya, without trading everything for food
Can I break free from stereotypes, for my own good
Can I wear my dreadlocks, without being judged as a thug
Can I express myself freely, without getting shrugged

Can she have a nose piercing, without being called a slut
Can she have a tattoo on her thigh, without needing a rebut
Can I drive a Subaru, without being labeled as a fuck boy
Can I enjoy my ride, without causing any dismay

Can I be a man, wear my beards, without being seen as a dog
Can I be a man, without living in a fog
Can I be a Gen Z, without being seen as spoiled
Can I break away from stereotypes, without being coiled

Can I live in Roysambu, without being scandalous
Can I be judged for who I am, without being hazardous
Can she live in Umoja, without being a single mother
Can she be respected for her choices, without any bother

Can I be just me, black, bold, and beautiful
Can I embrace my uniqueness, without feeling dutiful
Can we break free from stereotypes, and just be
Can we live in harmony, and set ourselves free

So let us rise above the misconceptions and lies
Let us stand strong, with unity as our ties
Let us embrace our differences, and celebrate diversity
For in the end, we are all one, in this world of adversity.

@okelododdychitchats

A letter to Daddy

Dear Dad,

I hope we could meet somewhere around Nyamasaria,

I long for you to breathe again, even if it’s just one more breath,

I want to hear your voice one last time, to have it echo in my mind like a cherished songbird,

I want to see your beards, perhaps fuller than mine that stubbornly refuse to grow,

I want to touch your hands and feel their warmth,

I want to look at your face and find the resemblances between us,

I’ll ask you what you love, and what you’re afraid of losing,

I want to see your sense of style,

I want to scrutinize your smile and understand how Mum fell for you so easily,

I want to check if Stella’s shortness comes from you,

I want to study the pigment of your skin to see if my own might inherit its flawlessness,

I’ll speak to you as a man, the kind of deep, honest conversations a father and son should have,

I’ll ask you what values I should hold dear,

I’ll ask your views on polygamy,

I’ll seek your wisdom on taking care of a woman,

I want to show you my girlfriend and hear you rate her on a scale of one to ten,

With this brief moment, Dad, I’ll strive to know you better,

Please, just breathe once more, Papa.

With all my love,
Rateng’

@okelododdychitchats

See You Soon

“The ambulance cannot transport your patient to Migori,” were the indifferent words spoken by the receptionist at the hospital where my mother had been admitted for two weeks without adequate care. While I refrain from mentioning the hospital’s name, I do so out of gratitude for the exceptional care provided by some of the nurses and two doctors. Accompanied by my brother-in-law and uncle, we were in the midst of arranging a transfer to a facility closer to home for proper care. Our home is in Rongo, Migori County, and all this time, we were in the cold, unfamiliar highlands of Kikuyu town.

I know you’re wondering why we were in Kikuyu when we’re from Rongo. Just give me one second to explain. My mother was attending a women’s conference in Kiambu town, and on a Thursday evening, while heading to their hotel with her fellow female believers, she was knocked down by a speeding motorist who was drunk and driving on the wrong side of the road. I wrote about the incident, but instead of directing you to a link, allow me to paste it here!

She Loves God,

Why am I shaking in town?
I thought I was okay.
Why do I feel like crying every time my mind switches to her?

She was just smiling.
I mean, I saw her smile on that phone call.

And you know, I hear she was very happy
while joking with her mates about how they’ll receive punishment if they don’t sing for God on Sunday.

She loves God, you know.
I often hear her say how God has moved her, and I see that too….

She was at the scene from the Lord’s house, the church, of course.
She had just received that good news that she shared with me before that heartbreaking call.

That call from Daktari wa Masomo, Dr. Bernard Alaka, forget that he’s called Bernard, ‘Boy’ sounds good on him…
He told me, “Prince, Mum amepata accident. Find a cab, and I’ll send you money to come.”

I was heartbroken.
I was like, “Didn’t she just finish praying to God, and even come here because of prayer?”

You know how sometimes you can question God, not blaming Him though…
I felt mad. I was really angry.

Anyways, I took a cab and went.
Everyone was there, all worried but happy because she was alive.

I went in to see her, and she said, “Baba, Bwana Asifiwe, Umekuja ?”
I saw that from her lips; she was not able to speak.

What I saw wasn’t pleasing, but I felt hope!
And the fact that members of the church were there with me till morning kept me strong.

I didn’t call any family member until morning.
They all came; people came.

And when she saw people she knew, I saw her feeling strong.
I know you’ll be fine, Mom, thanks to all for showing the love…

It’s made the two days that I have not slept completely feel like one minute.

***




I won’t dwell on it much, but let me say all is well. Today, we’re in an ambulance, headed to a facility of our choice in Migori County. In the back of the ambulance, I’m accompanied by a paramedic from Eagles Nursing Home, her name is Patricia. She’s calm, professional, appears to be around 21 years old, wearing grey Vans shoes, and she’s scrolling  down her Samsung Galaxy Note “Something.” Beside my mother, who’s in a lot of pain and sweating profusely, sits my aunt, Nyar Seme, she looks worried. She hasn’t eaten anything since morning, and besides her concern for her sister-in-law, I bet she’s hungry and tired. I’m seated next to my mum and Patricia, the paramedic. Yes, remember her? I’m worried, asking myself when we’ll reach Rongo because I can feel my mum’s pain.

In the front, we have the driver, Jeff. I met Jeff at the hospital; he was from Garissa, bringing a patient, a police officer who was badly injured in an attack. We had just been informed that the facility ambulance couldn’t take us to Mashinani, and then God brought Jeff to us in the midst of our distress after calling several service providers whose fees we couldn’t afford. Jeff had the exact ambulance we were instructed to use. He’s a good man. He’s seated with my uncle, Uncle Oloo, the kind of man who can rescue you from anything, anytime. He loves sports, was a footballer, and enjoys doing handy jobs. Isn’t that enough with my humble descriptions?

The weather is unfriendly, Oh my God ! it’s raining heavily, I mean kunanyesha very bad, the kind of rain that I would describe as “it was raining cats and dogs” in my lower primary composition. What we’re witnessing is quite threatening; soil has been swept onto the tarmac by the waters, the road is resembling a farm where vehicles are stuck and unable to move. There’s traffic, and it’s in the middle of nowhere. Thank God, we have been given way because we are in an ambulance and we’re just utilizing one of those favors of riding in an ambulance. Anyway, we need to get to the next facility, which is almost a 4-hour drive away, real quick!

My ink is depleted, as well as my creativity for now. I can’t promise to keep you posted, but we’ll catch up on my next piece, and let me give some hope that Mum will be all right. See you soon!

@okelododdychitchats

Just Drop a Comment

When do you find yourself grabbing that pen and paper? Is it during tough times when emotions are running high, and writing feels like a way to tackle the challenges life throws at you? Or is it in moments of pure joy, when even the ordinary things bring happiness, and you catch yourself smiling at everyone, even someone you’re not too fond of? Personally, I used to think I was most creative when feeling a bit down, not necessarily to express my feelings but to capture what I saw in small gatherings at barazas, the lively conversations in tailoring shops, the buzz in barbershops, or even the snippets of life heard in matatus. Writing about these observations used to be a kind of therapy for me. However, recent realities have hit me hard, filling my once-bright mind with empty thoughts that have taken away my usual good vibes.

I’m not looking for sympathy here, I’m just curious about how your year is going. Is it turning out to be good, or are you facing some challenges? While it might be early to ask, haven’t they said that you can sense the quality of a day from the morning? Let’s think of that metaphorically. From talking to a few people, it seems that, despite some initial confusion, many are finding this year to be interesting. What’s interesting is the lack of the usual flood of boring “happy new year messages” and the absence of big unachievable resolutions. Instead, people seem to be having more practical discussions, focusing on solid financial plans and pursuing their interests with passion.

Going through the current situation is a bit of a challenge for me, with the uncertainty of tomorrow hanging over. I’ve never been one to predict the future, and while it might seem a bit tricky, there’s a sense of hope pushing me forward. My plan is simple: prioritize things that bring me joy and stay away from things that bore, drain, or stress me. Essentially, I want to create a happy space for myself and those around me….

How’s your year going? Share your thoughts in the comments! Let’s connect every Tuesday or on any day that suits you (we can vote a day). I am thinking about throwing in some interviews and sharing stories about different places. Just drop a comment to let us know what you’re enjoying and experiencing this year, and also, what topics you’d like us to dive into. I’m thinking of adding some opinionated sections. So, drop a comment – your input is crucial in shaping our conversations. Feel free to join the discussion! Just drop a comment !

@okelododdychitchats