Journey of The Heart

The morning sun casts its light over River Kuja, the water glinting like shards of glass as it flows steadily past. I stand at its edge, the familiar sound of the stream filling the silence around me. My feet sink slightly into the warm soil as I cross the narrow road leading to it, pausing to watch the ripples dance. Somewhere in this vast world, I believe, lies the love I seek, though it feels as elusive as the current beneath the surface.

Jodongo always said love is like the treasures hidden deep within Lake Victoria, hard to find, harder to keep.”hera tek tweta.” So, I search. From the shores of Usenge to the busy aswekra market in Kendu Bay, I walk, I watch, I hope. Faces pass by, some kind, some indifferent, but none answer the silent question that sits in my heart. The days stretch long, and the nights longer still.

At night, I sit under the strange sky, tracing the patterns of stars scattered above. Their soft, silvery light reminds me of the cowrie shells my grandmother, Min Ombewa used to wear, clinking softly as she told us stories of long-lost love. The stars seem to mock me now, offering no guidance, only their cold brilliance. My body grows weary, but my heart refuses to give up.

I look to the clouds that drift lazily over Got Asego. Their rough shapes hold no answers, only shifting shadows that point to nowhere. There’s a pull within me, though, urging me toward the quiet Homa Hills in the distance. When I finally arrive, I find nothing but empty spaces, my footsteps speaking in the silence. Even the wind feels indifferent.

I wander farther, beyond the lands I know. I cross into places where the language stumbles on my tongue and the songs of the people feel strange. Still, I go on, driven by the stubborn hope that the next turn, the next road, will lead me to what I seek. But each step feels heavier, each path more uncertain, until I find myself completely lost.

At the market, the women shake their heads as I pass. “hera tek,” they say with laughter, their voices laced with pity. Love is hard, they remind me, and harder still for those who chase it blindly. Their words sting, but they don’t stop me. Despite everything, a quiet ember of hope burns within me, refusing to die.

One evening, as the sun dips low over Lake Simbi Nyaima, I sit on its shore. The stillness of the place feels different, comforting even. The water is calm, reflecting the fiery colors of the sunset like a mirror. For the first time in what feels like forever, I let myself pause. The sound of the lake, the warmth of the fading sun, and the stillness around me all seem to urge me to look inward.

It’s there, in that moment of quiet, that I begin to understand. Perhaps love isn’t a treasure to be found but a truth to be uncovered. Maybe it doesn’t live in the stars, the hills, or even in another person. It begins here, within me. My heart, though tired and bruised, isn’t done searching, it just needs to start looking in a new way.

As I rise to leave, a strange calm settles over me. The journey isn’t over, but it feels less like a race and more like a path I’m meant to walk. I think of my grandmother’s words, her voice steady and wise, “hera en kama rach, kendo en kama ber.” Love is both a good and a bad thing at the same time.


The scent of “kuon bel”and fresh tilapia greets me as I walk back home, the familiar sound of children playing ajuala filling the air. I smile to myself. Maybe love isn’t just in the finding, it’s in the moments along the way, in the laughter of family, the warmth of community, and the quiet lessons life teaches.

As the stars come out once more, I glance up at them, no longer searching. For now, I am content to walk this journey, guided by hope and the gentle rhythm of a heart that still believes.

@okelododdychitchats

Fading Notes of The Heart

For the first time in my once-bright life, 
I feel love slip away, 
draining quietly from a heart 
that once brimmed with warmth and fire. 

Because of her,
passion now feels like a distant memory, 
her eyes, once alive like sapphire stars, 
now hold no light for me. 
The smile that once lifted my world 
has faded into something I barely remember. 

I knew love once, 
I felt it in her touch, 
in the way she made life seem full of wonder. 
But now, that wonder feels hollow, 
a shadow of something I can no longer reach. 

The beauty I once saw everywhere 
seems to have vanished. 
Dreams feel brittle; 
hope feels like a foolish story I once believed. 

Her absence is a quiet void, 
and love, once a tender, living thing, 
is now just a ghost 
I can’t hold on to. 

And so I go on, 
not with the joy I once knew, 
but with a quiet acceptance 
that the song of my heart 
will now play softly, 
alone. 

@okelododdychitchats

Through Guarded Eyes

I never really know how you feel
Your emotions are a mystery to me
I try to understand, but it’s like trying to read
A book written in a language I don’t know

I look into your eyes, searching for a clue
But they remain guarded, giving nothing away
Do you feel the same way I do?
Or am I just a passing fancy to you?

I can’t read your mind, no matter how I try
I wish I could see into your heart
To know if I truly have a place there
Or if I’m just a temporary distraction

I just keep waiting, hoping for a sign
That you feel something for me too
But the silence is deafening, the uncertainty overwhelming
I’m left wondering if I’m alone in this love

Take me to your heart, show me where to start
Lead me on the path to your true feelings
Let me be the one you turn to in joy and sorrow
Let me play the part of your first love

I try to be patient, to give you time
To let you come to your own conclusions
But the waiting is agonizing, the doubts growing
I long to hear the words that will set me free

Oh, I know deep down you love me
I can see it in the way you look at me
In the gentle touch of your hand, the warmth of your smile
But are you ever gonna love me
The way I love you?

I pour my heart out to you, laying it bare
Hoping you’ll see the depth of my feelings
But you remain closed off, keeping your secrets
I wonder if I’ll ever break through to you

I dream of a future where we are together
Where our love shines bright for all to see
But reality keeps intruding, casting doubt
Am I just a dreamer, hoping for the impossible?

I long to hear you say the words I crave
To know that you feel the same way I do
But until that day comes, I’ll keep waiting
Hoping that our love will find its way

I never really know how you feel
But I’ll keep trying to understand
I’ll keep waiting for the moment
When you open up your heart to me

And until then, I’ll hold onto the hope
That one day you’ll see me as I see you
And our love will finally be free
To bloom and grow for eternity.

@okelododdychitchats

Holy Hypocrisy

Why did I stop going to church? One of the funniest reasons I’ve heard is, “My pastor was crippled and healing cripples. Like, why not heal yourself?” It’s a dark statement, but I get where they’re coming from. Let’s be honest, are these people God’s messengers or money makers in Poverty Pulpits ?

I believe in God, but I have a million questions. My friend and colleague, Evans Asudi challenges me every time we have a discussion about religion and the existence of God, he argues that the design of the universe, nature, and everything in it must have an origin. My question is, is that origin the God of the Christian Bible, Allah of the Muslim Quran, or the supernatural forces in Buddhist texts like the Tripitaka? I’m not saying these religions worship entirely different gods. They argue as if they do, but interestingly, they all seem to agree on the same devil. Crazy, right? Anyway, I believe in God and identify as Christian, but I rarely go to church. I have my reasons !

As a kid, I always questioned my existence, and while that hasn’t changed, I now find myself questioning the origins of religion. Who created it, and what was it really meant to achieve? History shows how religion has been used to create divisions, often for political gain, and it still happens today. Different religions hold varying beliefs, and even within Christianity, denominations clash. Paul even addressed this in Corinthians, questioning why Christians were divided when they were all baptized in Christ’s name. These divisions are often exploited for political purposes, given the strong influence religion has on society and politics.

I was raised in a strict Christian background where questioning the church or its leaders was off-limits. It was considered disrespectful and even thought to bring curses. Looking back, I laugh at how much I used to fear that. But, even as a kid, I could see pastors giving in to “earthly” temptations, sins they were never held accountable for. They seemed untouchable, immune to any form of criticism. Over time, this made me start questioning things more deeply, and now it’s part of why I find it difficult to step inside just any church today.

To make sense of where we are, let’s start with the history of Christianity. It began in the 1st century after Jesus’ death as a Judaic sect with some Hellenistic influences. The Catholic Church claims to be the original, with the first church said to be in Jerusalem. Over time, Christianity branched into several groups like the Church of the East, Oriental Orthodoxy, Eastern Orthodoxy, Roman Catholicism, Protestantism, and Restorationism.

In its early days, the traditional churches built schools, hospitals, and provided services that genuinely benefited the community. They did this without exploiting their congregants. But as time went on, evangelical churches started popping up what one of my great of all time writer, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie calls “mushroom churches” in her book “Purple Hibiscus”. I’m not generalizing all evangelical churches, but many sprouted after the colonial period, often without any regulation, and some have become quite problematic.

These churches often target vulnerable people, especially our mothers. With this, sometimes, I tend to believe that the colonialists had a plan,  schools for the children, prisons for the fathers, and churches for the mothers. Anyway, that’s just a detour, let’s get back on track…A lot of these churches manipulate their followers, brainwashing them into accepting whatever the pastor says without question while reasoning that questioning will lead to the unthinkable,absurd! When pastors claim that questioning them will lead to whatever, it’s really just a way to manipulate their followers. You don’t fail or fall by speaking up or seeking answers for God’s sake !

Times without number, I’ve also heard pastors glorify poverty, insisting that wealth distances you from God, they say that having money makes you less inclined to pray. These same pastors live in luxury, strikingly paradoxical ! Some even discourage their followers from seeking medical help, claiming that doing so demonstrates a lack of faith in God, despite the Bible stating, “faith without action  is dead.” Are they referring to something who’s content they do not understand or did it change overnight ?

It’s ironic how these extreme churches often have the largest followings. And what really frustrates me is the constant fundraising, with no transparency on where the money goes. I’m tired of seeing congregants grow poorer while pastors grow wealthier. Churches should be shaping and speaking up for the community, but many stay silent when it doesn’t affect them…I am just sick and tired of this top tier deception, emotional control, psychological tactics, coercion, gas lighting, name it all! let me take a break! One day, we’ll go deeper into this, especially on how pastors are now called “Daddy” and their wives “Mummy.”

@okelododdychitchats

Bad Man Bache

“Larry Madowo fascinates me! Someday, I’ll be like him-maybe even better! I adore him, I love watching him, let’s go watch The Trend.” These were Steve’s words. Back then, Larry was still just a journalist working for Nation Television (NTV) and hadn’t yet risen to the heights of his career. Steve admired him deeply and loved how he did his journalism. The first time I watched “The Trend” by Larry Madowo was because of Steve. I loved it, except for the time slot-10:00 PM on a Friday! Despite that, it became a weekly routine. Steve influenced a lot in my life, he rekindled my love for football, got me into PlayStation, and would even walk me through the ladies’ hostel just to do nothing! (This is unnecessary information for sure) Steve is a good man, he’s going to heaven for sure.”

Steve, drop that! Let’s call him Bache. Bache is now a three-time award-winning journalist. He began his journey right after campus in 2021, starting with the BetKing Premier League (The Kenyan Premier League (KPL) was rebranded as the BetKing Premier League due to a sponsorship deal with BetKing, a sports betting company), then moving to Mozzart, and now he’s at Sportpesa making history. He loves sports. He has become my favorite journalist, so natural and creative! He writes and hosts the “Match-Xperience” segments. What I’ve learned from his journey is that it’s all about passion, sticking to the plan, and being focused. It’s less about being a jack of all trades and a master of none! Bache is amazing. I love his minimalist nature, how he goes about things, how carefree he is, and his sense of humour. Honestly, I love how he manages to do it all, from work to managing his finances-he’s quick at thinking and solving problems. The only thing he might struggle with, though not badly, is style and fashion. He’s a bit basic in that department. And oh, I almost forgot, he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Or Bache, do you have one now? If you do, I’ll gladly accept her, just make sure she doesn’t drop the name Bache! And to any ladies reading this, Steve is a good man!

Bache was the first one to attend class, it wasn’t his problem! He was just doing the right thing by showing up, kwani nini ilitupeleka shule ? But for the Logic and Critical Thinking lecturer, Ochieng Jaffas (I hope I’m spelling that right), having only one student for the first class was a big deal, infact a sacrilege. His comments afterward really set the tone and filled us with dread. We were first-years, after all, we had to fear! Jaffas was a Cold-hearted atheist who didn’t believe in God or Thomas Aquinas’ theories on God’s existence, despite having once wanted to become a priest. His way of teaching tickled the funny bone. But I’m getting off-topic. Jaffas instilled fear in us, making us believe we would all fail-except Bache, who attended class. That fear changed a lot of people’s views on higher education. Eventually, Bache joined us in our antics, and despite being jokers, we all passed our exams. We mastered the content in class and watched UEFA Champions League matches during the exam period. You could say we were geniuses!

Oh, and there’s something else, Bache is actually my cousin. I didn’t even know until a coincidental, and somewhat unfortunate moment. It’s one of those stories I’ll tell someday, but for now, let’s just say it’s a part of what makes our bond special. Life has a funny way of connecting the dots, doesn’t it?

I could say a lot more about Bache, but I’ll stop here for now. We’ll continue this conversation once I master the art of speaking confidently in front of a crowd!

@okelododdychitchats

You Don’t Care !

Wrong is only wrong 
When it doesn’t work for you. 
Walk with me,
Remember Gabriel Oguda? 
Where did he go? 
He doesn’t speak against the government anymore. 
No more clever words, no more truth on X. 
What happened?

I hear they want to sell our airport, 
They’ve just transitioned NHIF into SHIF, I got that depressing message!
They Pass bills quietly, now they’re law. 
And suddenly, they distract us with Gachagua’s impeachment. 
But we aren’t fools, we see the game.

Where was public participation on the finance bill? 
On the Adani deal, SHIF, housing levy? 
The things that actually affect us! 
Gachagua is tribal, yes, 
But he’s just like the rest of you !
A puppet, a decoration. 
Send him home, but don’t stop there, take Ruto with him.

I wish you, in the National Assembly, 
Cared about the people, not just your wallets. 
Now you’re playing games, 
Asking for public participation on things that don’t matter to us. 
Pretending to care.

Just like tissue paper, you use us, then throw us away.
We have Mastered your game !
We know when Gachagua falls, 
You’ll say, “It was your choice, your voice!” 
But we know, you don’t really care.

And even if Sifuna claims politicians are different, 
I tend to think you’re all the same !
Because why did you all go silent when Raila joined hands with Ruto? 
The once “bad” Ruto, the one you called corrupt, 
Suddenly turned good overnight !
Because now it works for you! Huh ?

But none of you actually care.

@okelododdychitchats

If I Fail to Wake Up Tomorrow

If I fail to wake up tomorrow,
Know that I fought with all my might
Against the demons that plagued my mind
I battled through the darkness
But in the end, I couldn’t find the light
My soul was weary, my heart was tired
And I found solace in stepping into eternity,

If I don’t wake up tomorrow,
Tell my friends I’ll miss them dearly
The laughter, the memories, the tears we shared
Will forever be carved  in my  silent whispers lost in time
I hope they find peace in knowing
That I am finally free from the pain
That haunted me every waking moment
I’ll be watching over them from above

If I fail to wake up tomorrow,
Promise me you’ll take care of yourself
Don’t dwell on what could have been
Live your life to the fullest, cling to the warmth of joy
That I could never fully appreciate
Treasure like gold every sunrise, every sunset
And know that I am always with you
In spirit, in memory, in love

If I don’t wake up tomorrow,
Tell the world my story
Let my struggles be a lesson
That mental health is not a joke
That a smile can hide a world of hurt
And that reaching out for help
Is not a sign of weakness, but of strength
Break the stigma, break the silence

If I fail to wake up tomorrow,
Know that I am at peace
No longer shackled by my fears
No longer drowning in my tears
I am free to soar amongst the stars
To dance in the moonlight, to bask in the sun
I am finally whole, finally content
In the arms of endless rest.

Let my legacy be one of love
Of kindness, of compassion
And may my journey to the beyond  bring awareness
To the struggles we all face
So if I fail to wake up tomorrow
Know that I am at peace
And that I will always be watching over you
From the heavens above.

@okelododdychitchats

Just Look at her !

Look at how good-looking she is
A vision of beauty, a sight to behold
Her melanin is well spread in her skin
A rich, deep tone that shines like gold

Her nails are perfectly straight
A subtle detail that adds to her charm
She takes care of herself, that much is clear
Every part of her exudes grace and calm

Her skin shines like a beacon of light
Radiant and smooth, like silk it gleams
A labor of love, a gift from above
She treats it like a treasure, in her dreams

Her choice of lipstick is flawless
A shade that complements her every smile
Kissable and inviting, it draws you in
A temptation that’s impossible to defile

Her figure is a work of art
Curves that flow like a gentle stream
Aesthetically pleasing, perfectly crafted
By a maker who knew just the right scheme

She is my crush, my sulwe
I can’t help but long for her
I want her to be mine, to hold her close
To cherish her beauty, to never erase

I don’t want this to end in heartbreak
I want our love to blossom and grow
To see her smile, to make her happy
To cherish her always, to let our love flow

For who would want to waste such beauty
On pain and sorrow, on tears and strife
I want her by my side, forevermore
To walk together in this beautiful life

So look at how good-looking she is
And see the love that shines in her eyes
I am captivated, I am enchanted
By this girl who has captured my skies

I want her to be mine peacefully forever
To hold her hand, to never let go
To be her rock, her safe haven
To love her endlessly, that much I know

For she is my type of girl
The one who makes my heart sing
The one who completes me, who makes me whole
My love for her will forever cling

So let’s cherish this beauty, this love divine
And let’s make a promise to never let go
For she is the one I’ve been searching for
The one who makes my heart aglow.

Just look at her !

@okelododdychitchats

Niskize

You don’t know the battles I’ve fought
The struggles I’ve faced !
You don’t realize the depth of my sorrow
So before you judge, just wait, niskize !

Don’t mock me with your words of scorn
Don’t criticize me from dusk till morn
Your harsh remarks don’t offer insight
They only push me further from the light

My pain runs deep, it’s a part of me
It’s only I who truly see
The struggles I endure day by day
So take a moment, niskize !

I may seem weak when tears fall down
But crying is my way, my sound
Of releasing the pain that weighs me down
Of letting go of the burdens I’ve found

Don’t label me as frail or meek
Just listen to the words I speak
I have a story that needs to be told
A tale of pain and  courage bold

So before you pass judgment on me
Take a moment, niskize !
The strength it takes to face each day
To keep going despite the wear out

I am not defined by my tears
But by the battles fought through the years
So next time you see me cry
Remember, it’s not a sign of weakness, but of strength inside

Don’t underestimate the power of a tear
The release it brings, the healing near
So before you speak, just listen first
To the story of pain and hurt

I may not be what you expect
But my strength lies in the tears unchecked
So listen to my words, my plea
And see the true strength in me.

@okelododdychitchats

Preach to me Grace

Preach to me grace,
Let my soul be restored
Let me recover from my mistakes
For the Bible tells tales of redemption
From Matthew to Revelation, the message is clear
That even in our darkest moments, we can find light

But why do you, man of God, cast me aside
When I stumble and fall?
Why do you proclaim that I am doomed
When the Scriptures teach that I can rise again?
Why do you disown me, turn your back on me
Instead of offering a helping hand?
Why do you choose mockery over compassion?

Let me rise again, for I have the fire within me
The desire to better myself, to be whole once more
I may have faltered, but I am not beyond redemption
I am still worthy of love and forgiveness
I refuse to be defined by my mistakes
I refuse to let shame and guilt consume me

Preach to me grace,
Let your words be a balm to my wounded soul
Guide me on the path of righteousness
Show me the way to redemption and healing
For I long to be free from the chains of my past

Do not forsake me, do not judge me
For I am only human, prone to mistakes
But I am also capable of great love and kindness
I have the strength to rise above my shortcomings
I have the courage to  take on my flaws
And the determination to seek forgiveness

Preach to me grace,
Let your words be a beacon of hope
Illuminate the darkness that threatens to engulf me
Lead me to a place of peace and serenity
Where I can find solace in the  cover of God’s mercy

Do not condemn me, do not push me away
For I am a child of God, worthy of love and compassion
I may have stumbled, I may have fallen
But I refuse to stay down, I refuse to be defeated
I will rise again, I will find my way back to grace

Preach to me grace,
Let your teachings be a source of strength
Empower me to overcome my weaknesses
Inspire me to be the best version of myself
For I believe in the power of redemption
In the miracle of forgiveness

Do not turn your back on me, do not abandon me
For I am in need of your guidance and support
I may have strayed from the path of righteousness
But I am ready to turn back, to seek forgiveness
I am ready to be restored, to be healed and whole once more

Preach to me grace,
Let your words be a lifeline in my darkest hour
Let your message of love and forgiveness resonate in my heart
For I long to be free from the burden of my mistakes
To find peace and redemption in the arms of God’s grace

Do not reject me, do not push me away
For I am in need of your love and compassion
I am in need of your wisdom and guidance
I long to be restored, to be redeemed
For I am a child of God, capable of great things

Preach to me grace,
Let your words be a soothing balm to my wounded soul
Guide me on the path of righteousness
Show me the way to forgiveness and healing
For I long to be free from the chains of my past

Do not judge me, do not condemn me
For I am only human, prone to mistakes
But I am also capable of great love and kindness
I have the strength to rise above my shortcomings
I have the courage to seek redemption

Preach to me grace,
For I am ready to be restored
Ready to be forgiven
Ready to rise again and reclaim my place in the light.

@okelododdychitchats