Don’t look at your phone. The urge is there, gnawing at you, but you resist. You know how it happens always. She hasn’t called. She hasn’t left a message either, not even a one-word reply to that carefully written text you sent. But she’s read it. The double blue ticks glare back at you like tiny daggers, taunting you with their silence.
You tell yourself it’s nothing. Maybe she’s busy. Maybe her phone died. Yet deep down, a faint warning whispers, something is off. The red flags you once ignored are now bold and unrelenting, waving in your face. But no, this isn’t even orange yet, you rationalize. She’ll call later. She always does, and when she does, there will be excuses. So many excuses. Weak and hollow, they tumble out like rehearsed lines in a bad play.
You’ve heard them all before. “I was caught up with something.” “I didn’t see your call.” “You’re overthinking it.” And yet, every excuse chips away at something inside you. Still, you stay. You try to trust, to believe. But the lateness, the nonchalance, the dismissive tone, they sting. When the responses come, they’re lukewarm at best, indifferent at worst. And when they don’t come at all, you’re left to sit with your thoughts, drowning in a pool of “what-ifs.”
And when you dare to question it? The tables turn. She doesn’t apologize or explain. No, she gets angry. She calls it “female empowerment” or “girls in male fields,” her right to do as she pleases. But somehow, your feelings don’t matter. Your concerns are labeled as misogyny, your hurt as bias. Her anger flares, fiery and unrelenting, until you’re forced into silence, swallowing your words like bitter pills.
It’s funny, though, how the rules seem different when the tables turn. When you’re the one who doesn’t pick up, doesn’t reply, doesn’t explain, the world implodes. Her hurt becomes righteous indignation, and your silence, a personal betrayal. Suddenly, you’re the villain in a story you didn’t write. You’re made to feel guilty, selfish, unworthy. And yet, you understand. Or at least, you try to. Because if you don’t, she gets mad.
You’re not stupid. You see the pattern, the game, the manipulation cloaked in pretty words. You know the imbalance is more than unfair, it’s toxic. But you hold on, clutching at the tiny string of hope that maybe this time will be different. Maybe she’ll see you. Maybe she’ll call. Maybe she’ll stop making you feel like an afterthought.
But how long can you hold on? How many excuses can you stomach before the weight of her indifference crushes you? You wonder if love is supposed to feel this way, like walking on eggshells, like a one-sided battle for validation. Deep down, you know the answer. You’re just too afraid to admit it.
And so, you sit there, resisting the pull to check your phone again. You tell yourself this is the last time you’ll let her silence hurt you. But even as you make the promise, you wonder if it’s one you’ll keep. After all, the heart rarely listens to reason. And yours, stubborn and bruised, still beats for her, despite everything.
Ah, Wacha Ikae Bwana ! Don’t wait to confirm the obvious with a great sense of discovery
@okelododdychitchats
Tag: betrayal
Holy Hypocrisy
Why did I stop going to church? One of the funniest reasons I’ve heard is, “My pastor was crippled and healing cripples. Like, why not heal yourself?” It’s a dark statement, but I get where they’re coming from. Let’s be honest, are these people God’s messengers or money makers in Poverty Pulpits ?
I believe in God, but I have a million questions. My friend and colleague, Evans Asudi challenges me every time we have a discussion about religion and the existence of God, he argues that the design of the universe, nature, and everything in it must have an origin. My question is, is that origin the God of the Christian Bible, Allah of the Muslim Quran, or the supernatural forces in Buddhist texts like the Tripitaka? I’m not saying these religions worship entirely different gods. They argue as if they do, but interestingly, they all seem to agree on the same devil. Crazy, right? Anyway, I believe in God and identify as Christian, but I rarely go to church. I have my reasons !
As a kid, I always questioned my existence, and while that hasn’t changed, I now find myself questioning the origins of religion. Who created it, and what was it really meant to achieve? History shows how religion has been used to create divisions, often for political gain, and it still happens today. Different religions hold varying beliefs, and even within Christianity, denominations clash. Paul even addressed this in Corinthians, questioning why Christians were divided when they were all baptized in Christ’s name. These divisions are often exploited for political purposes, given the strong influence religion has on society and politics.
I was raised in a strict Christian background where questioning the church or its leaders was off-limits. It was considered disrespectful and even thought to bring curses. Looking back, I laugh at how much I used to fear that. But, even as a kid, I could see pastors giving in to “earthly” temptations, sins they were never held accountable for. They seemed untouchable, immune to any form of criticism. Over time, this made me start questioning things more deeply, and now it’s part of why I find it difficult to step inside just any church today.
To make sense of where we are, let’s start with the history of Christianity. It began in the 1st century after Jesus’ death as a Judaic sect with some Hellenistic influences. The Catholic Church claims to be the original, with the first church said to be in Jerusalem. Over time, Christianity branched into several groups like the Church of the East, Oriental Orthodoxy, Eastern Orthodoxy, Roman Catholicism, Protestantism, and Restorationism.
In its early days, the traditional churches built schools, hospitals, and provided services that genuinely benefited the community. They did this without exploiting their congregants. But as time went on, evangelical churches started popping up what one of my great of all time writer, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie calls “mushroom churches” in her book “Purple Hibiscus”. I’m not generalizing all evangelical churches, but many sprouted after the colonial period, often without any regulation, and some have become quite problematic.
These churches often target vulnerable people, especially our mothers. With this, sometimes, I tend to believe that the colonialists had a plan, schools for the children, prisons for the fathers, and churches for the mothers. Anyway, that’s just a detour, let’s get back on track…A lot of these churches manipulate their followers, brainwashing them into accepting whatever the pastor says without question while reasoning that questioning will lead to the unthinkable,absurd! When pastors claim that questioning them will lead to whatever, it’s really just a way to manipulate their followers. You don’t fail or fall by speaking up or seeking answers for God’s sake !
Times without number, I’ve also heard pastors glorify poverty, insisting that wealth distances you from God, they say that having money makes you less inclined to pray. These same pastors live in luxury, strikingly paradoxical ! Some even discourage their followers from seeking medical help, claiming that doing so demonstrates a lack of faith in God, despite the Bible stating, “faith without action is dead.” Are they referring to something who’s content they do not understand or did it change overnight ?
It’s ironic how these extreme churches often have the largest followings. And what really frustrates me is the constant fundraising, with no transparency on where the money goes. I’m tired of seeing congregants grow poorer while pastors grow wealthier. Churches should be shaping and speaking up for the community, but many stay silent when it doesn’t affect them…I am just sick and tired of this top tier deception, emotional control, psychological tactics, coercion, gas lighting, name it all! let me take a break! One day, we’ll go deeper into this, especially on how pastors are now called “Daddy” and their wives “Mummy.”
@okelododdychitchats
You Don’t Care !
Wrong is only wrong
When it doesn’t work for you.
Walk with me,
Remember Gabriel Oguda?
Where did he go?
He doesn’t speak against the government anymore.
No more clever words, no more truth on X.
What happened?
I hear they want to sell our airport,
They’ve just transitioned NHIF into SHIF, I got that depressing message!
They Pass bills quietly, now they’re law.
And suddenly, they distract us with Gachagua’s impeachment.
But we aren’t fools, we see the game.
Where was public participation on the finance bill?
On the Adani deal, SHIF, housing levy?
The things that actually affect us!
Gachagua is tribal, yes,
But he’s just like the rest of you !
A puppet, a decoration.
Send him home, but don’t stop there, take Ruto with him.
I wish you, in the National Assembly,
Cared about the people, not just your wallets.
Now you’re playing games,
Asking for public participation on things that don’t matter to us.
Pretending to care.
Just like tissue paper, you use us, then throw us away.
We have Mastered your game !
We know when Gachagua falls,
You’ll say, “It was your choice, your voice!”
But we know, you don’t really care.
And even if Sifuna claims politicians are different,
I tend to think you’re all the same !
Because why did you all go silent when Raila joined hands with Ruto?
The once “bad” Ruto, the one you called corrupt,
Suddenly turned good overnight !
Because now it works for you! Huh ?
But none of you actually care.
@okelododdychitchats
If I Fail to Wake Up Tomorrow
If I fail to wake up tomorrow,
Know that I fought with all my might
Against the demons that plagued my mind
I battled through the darkness
But in the end, I couldn’t find the light
My soul was weary, my heart was tired
And I found solace in stepping into eternity,
If I don’t wake up tomorrow,
Tell my friends I’ll miss them dearly
The laughter, the memories, the tears we shared
Will forever be carved in my silent whispers lost in time
I hope they find peace in knowing
That I am finally free from the pain
That haunted me every waking moment
I’ll be watching over them from above
If I fail to wake up tomorrow,
Promise me you’ll take care of yourself
Don’t dwell on what could have been
Live your life to the fullest, cling to the warmth of joy
That I could never fully appreciate
Treasure like gold every sunrise, every sunset
And know that I am always with you
In spirit, in memory, in love
If I don’t wake up tomorrow,
Tell the world my story
Let my struggles be a lesson
That mental health is not a joke
That a smile can hide a world of hurt
And that reaching out for help
Is not a sign of weakness, but of strength
Break the stigma, break the silence
If I fail to wake up tomorrow,
Know that I am at peace
No longer shackled by my fears
No longer drowning in my tears
I am free to soar amongst the stars
To dance in the moonlight, to bask in the sun
I am finally whole, finally content
In the arms of endless rest.
Let my legacy be one of love
Of kindness, of compassion
And may my journey to the beyond bring awareness
To the struggles we all face
So if I fail to wake up tomorrow
Know that I am at peace
And that I will always be watching over you
From the heavens above.
@okelododdychitchats
Niskize
You don’t know the battles I’ve fought
The struggles I’ve faced !
You don’t realize the depth of my sorrow
So before you judge, just wait, niskize !
Don’t mock me with your words of scorn
Don’t criticize me from dusk till morn
Your harsh remarks don’t offer insight
They only push me further from the light
My pain runs deep, it’s a part of me
It’s only I who truly see
The struggles I endure day by day
So take a moment, niskize !
I may seem weak when tears fall down
But crying is my way, my sound
Of releasing the pain that weighs me down
Of letting go of the burdens I’ve found
Don’t label me as frail or meek
Just listen to the words I speak
I have a story that needs to be told
A tale of pain and courage bold
So before you pass judgment on me
Take a moment, niskize !
The strength it takes to face each day
To keep going despite the wear out
I am not defined by my tears
But by the battles fought through the years
So next time you see me cry
Remember, it’s not a sign of weakness, but of strength inside
Don’t underestimate the power of a tear
The release it brings, the healing near
So before you speak, just listen first
To the story of pain and hurt
I may not be what you expect
But my strength lies in the tears unchecked
So listen to my words, my plea
And see the true strength in me.
@okelododdychitchats
Speak It Out
I asked how he’s doing,
He told me he was doing just fine
I didn’t believe him
Because I know the society demands strong from a man
And when he shares what he’s going through, he’ll be labeled weak
So he told me, “I am doing just fine”
I could hear the pain in his voice
The cracks beneath the surface
His words a mask for the turmoil within
He was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders
But society told him to keep it all in
To put on a brave face and soldier on
So he smiled and said, “I’m fine”
But I knew the truth
I could see it in his eyes
The way they searched mine for understanding
The way his hands trembled as he spoke
He was drowning in his own silent suffering
Too afraid to let anyone in
Too ashamed to admit he needed help
I wish he knew that it’s okay to not be okay
That strength isn’t measured by how much you can endure alone
That vulnerability is not weakness, but courage
I wish he knew that his pain mattered
That his struggles were valid
That he didn’t have to carry them all on his own
I wish he knew that he didn’t have to end it all
That there were people who cared
Who would listen without judgment
Who would hold him close and help him find his way back to the light
I wish he knew that there is always hope
Even in the darkest of nights
Even when all seems lost
So I told him, “It’s okay to not be fine”
It’s okay to break down and let it all out
To cry until there are no more tears left to shed
To scream until your voice is hoarse
To reach out and ask for help
To let others in and share your burden
Because you are not alone
You are loved, you are worthy
And your pain is not a sign of weakness
But a story to your humanity
So take my hand and let me walk beside you
Let me help you shoulder the weight
Let me be your light in the darkness
You are not alone, my friend
You are never alone
And together, we will find our way back to the sunlit meadows
Where the flowers bloom and the birds sing
Where hope springs eternal and love knows no bounds
So take my hand and let us journey together
For in our togetherness, we find strength
And in our vulnerability, we find courage
So speak it out
Don’t care what the society will think of you
Don’t be ashamed
Scream if you feel it’s best
Speak when you are at the lowest
Cry when you feel that pain
It’s worth it.
Let’s break the silence
Let’s shatter the stigma
Let’s create a world where it’s okay to not be okay
Where vulnerability is embraced
And compassion reigns supreme
Let’s build a community of love and understanding
Where everyone feels safe to share their truth
And no one ever has to suffer in silence again.
Together, we can make a difference
Together, we can change the world
Starting with one voice, one heart, one soul
Reaching out in love and empathy
To lift each other up and stand together in our brokenness
For in our brokenness, we find strength
And in our unity, we find healing
So let us be the change we wish to see
Let us be the light in the darkness
Let us be the hope in the despair
For together, we are stronger
Together, we are invincible
Together, we are love personified
And in that love, we find our salvation
In that love, we find our redemption
In that love, we find our peace
So let us choose love
Let us choose compassion
Let us choose to be there for one another
No matter what
For in the end, love is all that really matters
Love is the answer to all our questions
Love is the key to our salvation
So let us love each other
Let us be there for each other
Let us hold each other close
And never let go
For love is the greatest gift we can give
To ourselves and to each other
So let’s spread love like wildfire
And watch as it burns away the darkness
And lights up the world with its brilliance
For love conquers all
And in love, we shall find our peace.
@okelododdychitchats
Why
Why does misunderstanding want to steal my love for you
But why does myopicness cloud my vision of our future
Why does laziness rob me of the riches I wish to share with you
And why does ego deceive me into thinking listening is a weakness
Why does society label submission as toxic masculinity
Yet everything appears hazy, not from desire, but from perception
Why does social media pressure me to doubt our worth
Why does society foster division between our tribes
When our chemistry is as seamless as water mixing with wine
Why do these barriers threaten to break us apart
Misunderstanding lurks in the shadows, waiting to strike
Myopic eyes fail to see the beauty in our shared destiny
Laziness creeps in, stealing the potential of our union
Ego whispers lies, poisoning my willingness to listen
Society’s expectations weigh heavy, clouding my judgment
Yet deep down, I know our love is pure and true
Social media may try to plant seeds of doubt
But I know our worth, our bond unbreakable
Society’s labels cannot define the love we share
Our tribes may be different, but our hearts beat as one
So I will fight against the forces that seek to tear us apart
I will silence the doubts and fears that threaten our love
For in the end, it is only you that I see
And nothing will ever come between you and me.
@okelododdychitchats
Shadows of the Mind
Depression, a silent thief,
Stealing joy and peace away,
Manifesting in hidden grief,
Invisibly, it holds its sway.
Its shadow, heavy and dark,
Cloaks the day in endless gloom,
Leaving its victims stark,
Lost in sadness, trapped in doom.
The sufferers, masked in pain,
Put on a brave face for the world,
Hiding tears, going insane,
Their souls in turmoil swirled.
Some may turn to drink,
To numb the ache within,
But the sorrow still sinks,
Deeper, beneath the skin.
Others choose to stay sober,
Facing their demons head-on,
Resisting the urge to bend over,
Or from their troubles, to be gone.
Silent cries in the night,
Desperate whispers to the void,
Hoping for a sliver of light,
In a world that’s been destroyed.
Restless turmoil, sleepless nights,
Insomnia’s cruel embrace,
Their minds locked in endless fights,
Struggling to find some grace.
Their blood runs hot with pain,
A relentless, unseen flame,
Burning deep, driving them insane,
In the darkness, they call out a name.
What spurs this specter forth,
From its hidden, darkened lair?
What causes it to grip so tight,
Pulling souls into the pit of despair?
Is it a whisper in the wind,
A silent snare that tightens its hold?
Or is it diagnosed in broad daylight,
A truth that is stark and bold?
In the early stages, the signs appear,
Subtle hints of a storm to come,
In life’s fragile book, turning year by year,
Seeking solace, seeking some.
Survival in this endless fight,
Requires strength from deep within,
To chase away the darkest night,
And let the light of hope begin.
So reach out to those in need,
Offer a hand, a listening ear,
For in our unity, we can succeed,
In battling the darkness, fighting the fear.
Depression may linger, may stay,
But together, we can weather the storm,
With love and compassion as our ray,
We can find peace, and our souls can be warm.
@okelododdychitchats
Tears in my eyes !
I remember hearing it somewhere,
Though I can’t recall where.
It’s nothing to do with story za jaba,
You know what, forget it!
But wait, it’s choking me,
Your phone was off on the night of Girlfriend’s Day.
I tried calling, not tripping,
When you finally answered,
There was a guy’s voice and “ssssh” signals in the background.
Tears welled up in my eyes,
As my heart sank into despair.
Who was he?
Was he the one we always argue about,
Or did you switch from Total Quartz to Shell Rimula this time?
Questions raced through my mind,
Doubts creeping into my heart,
As I struggled to make sense of it all.
I thought I did everything you wanted,
I don’t even know what Girlfriend’s Day is supposed to mean,
But I tried to do something special for you,
Only to be met with betrayal and lies.
Tears in my eyes !
In a world where truths often falter,
Where promises melt like morning dew,
One whispers, against a heart’s altar,
Just cheat, if it means losing you.
But how could I ever betray myself,
And sacrifice my own worth,
For the empty promises of a love that never truly existed?
I tried to hold back the tears,
To push away the pain,
But it lingered, like a shadow in the night,
Haunting me with memories of what once was.
I thought our love was strong,
But now I see it was built on lies,
On deceit and betrayal,
Leaving me shattered and broken.
I wish I could turn back time,
To the days when love was pure,
When trust was not a luxury,
But a foundation we both stood upon.
But now, as I wipe away the tears,
I know that some wounds cannot heal,
Some scars will always remain,
And some loves are not meant to last.
So I stand here, alone and broken,
Trying to piece together the fragments of my heart,
Trying to make sense of a love that was never real,
But will always haunt me like a ghost.
I will move on, I will heal,
But the pain of betrayal will always linger,
A reminder of a love that was lost,
And a heart that was broken.
@okelododdychitchats
Wheel of Time
My car has been through a lot, driven by many hands,
Traveling diverse routes, facing potholes and deathly bends.
It’s been tough, surviving punctures and rough rides,
But now, it’s showing signs, secrets it no longer hides.
The steering wheel, once so familiar and warm,
Now feels distant, like facing a brewing storm.
The engine, once steady, now leaks strange oil,
A metaphor, maybe, for a love spoiled.
I’ve loved this car, but it’s failed me in a way,
It’s become a wreck, like a love gone astray.
I fear driving it, scared it might fail,
So, sadly, I must say goodbye, hit the trail.
It’s time for a change, a new start, a new lane,
Where loyalty is strong, and trust doesn’t wane.
So, with a heavy heart, I’ll let go of this ride,
And find a new one, where love will abide.
@okelododdychitchats