She Loves God

Why am I shaking in town?
I thought I was okay.
Why do I feel like crying every time my mind switches to her?

She was just smiling.
I mean, I saw her smile on that phone call.

And you know, I hear she was very happy
while joking with her mates about how they’ll receive punishment if they don’t sing for God on Sunday.

She loves God, you know.
I often hear her say how God has moved her, and I see that too….

She was at the scene from the Lord’s house, the church, of course.
She had just received that good news that she shared with me before that heartbreaking call.

That call from Daktari wa Masomo, Dr. Bernard Alaka, forget that he’s called Bernard, ‘Boy’ sounds good on him…
He told me, “Prince, Mum amepata accident. Find a cab, and I’ll send you money to come.”

I was heartbroken.
I was like, “Didn’t she just finish praying to God, and even come here because of prayer?”

You know how sometimes you can question God, not blaming Him though…
I felt mad. I was really angry.

Anyways, I took a cab and went.
Everyone was there, all worried but happy because she was alive.

I went in to see her, and she said, “Baba, Bwana Asifiwe, Umekuja ?”
I saw that from her lips; she was not able to speak.

What I saw wasn’t pleasing, but I felt hope!
And the fact that members of the church were there with me till morning kept me strong.

I didn’t call any family member until morning.
They all came; people came.

And when she saw people she knew, I saw her feeling strong.
I know you’ll be fine, Mom, thanks to all for showing the love…

It’s made the two days that I have not slept completely feel like one minute.

@okelododdychitchats

Bikram Yoga

I won’t name this story after the person it’s about, Laura Kabaara, just as the Joluo people name their children according to the season and time of their birth. I admit I’m not great at coming up with titles, but trust me, this will be different from the rest. I promise to do my best, my people.

We’re finally here. I’ve been pursuing Laura for two weeks, eager to get to know her and perhaps use my pen to brush the dust off my notebook and write about her. We’re seated in the office lounge, a tastefully decorated space behind the Little App Board room. The view is stunning; we can see the neatly parked cars, the scene resembling a beautifully crafted artwork.

Laura is the cheerful one, always radiating happiness. She has the knack for turning your mood from gloomy to jubilant in an instant; she’s simply good at it. She’s exceptionally intelligent and incredibly stylish. She effortlessly elevates braids to a level of elegance that surpasses even human hair. And before I forget, please don’t judge me; I’m just appreciating one of God’s creations, and I won’t dwell on it to avoid raising suspicion, even if there isn’t any. She possesses captivating eyes, accentuated by her natural eyelashes, and a slender face that’s simply flawless. I know my girlfriend might be furious when she reads this, but “Kufa dereva, kufa abiria” let me say it: Laura is beautiful.

She sips water from her unique water bottle. It’s not just any water bottle; it exudes class. Everything about Laura is exceptional. Her lip gloss looks expensive, her hand lotion is a rare find, and unlike most Kenyan girls, she’s unfamiliar with the “Wajesus Family,” Milly Wa Chebby, and the famous Terrence Creative. I think she’s a cool kid. She’s Luhya, but you wouldn’t know unless she tells you. Her English is not only well-spoken but also fluent. Laura is simply Laura.

There’s a quiet pause between us, where neither of us speaks or stirs. It’s as if we’re both lost in our own thoughts., I break the silence and inquire, “Who is Laura?” I’m curious to hear her describe herself, not in the rehearsed manner of a job interview, but in a more engaging, casual, and honest way. After a brief pause, during which she fidgets with her nails, searching for the right words, she begins to speak.

“I see myself as someone who possesses a keen sense of self-awareness,” she begins. “I would describe myself as lively, self-aware, and confident.” She goes on to explain that her journey towards self-awareness began during a period of meditation, where her spirituality took on new significance. There was a time when she was not religious, when she did not believe in God. However, certain events in her life led her to embrace spirituality in a different form. From 2016 to 2023, she believed in a higher power represented by the universe rather than a specific deity. She believed that the collective energy of humanity contributed to this higher power.

This journey, which I am tempted to inquire further about, led her to profound reflections and a newfound perspective on life. It required deep introspection, ultimately shaping her into the self-aware person she is today.

I mentioned this earlier, Laura is consistently cheerful and lively, spreading joy to those around her. Her happiness and bubbly nature seem to have no particular trigger; they’re simply a part of her, evident even early in the morning. I’m curious about what fuels her mood.

Honestly, Laura doesn’t fully understand what happens. When she returns home, she retreats to her room and her energy changes. She becomes quieter, and she doesn’t actively control this shift; it’s like a switch that flicks on and off. She only knows that she loves life and mostly maintains a positive attitude at work. Oh, I forgot to mention, she’s my colleague in the Corporate Sales Department. I was drawn to her because of her vast knowledge, sense of style, and love for books-things that resonate with me. Interestingly, her energy at work differs from elsewhere. She feels a sense of worthiness and believes her hard work has led her to this point, subconsciously triggering her brain to think positively. Laura’s liveliness is appreciated by everyone in the department; it rejuvenates and lightens the atmosphere. It’s just her vibe, you know?

Let’s talk about her style… At first, I thought she might have OCD because of how meticulous she is with her arrangements, especially at her desk. However, that’s just a passing thought. Laura’s style is truly distinctive and unique. It exudes a strong sense of fashion. Her style is inspired by her belief that art is a form of self-expression.

One notable aspect of her style is her stance against the objectification of her curvy body. She’s adamant that her fashion choices should not invite unwanted attention or reduce her to a mere object of desire. She prefers clothing that is both fashionable and comfortable. She seems to have mastered the art of dressing for her body type. In fact, in 2023, she even won the Best Dressed Employee award at Llittle. She strives to represent the ideal black woman in the corporate world through her clothing and hairstyle, she says…

Sales is undeniably one of the most challenging jobs out there, a form of rocket science in its own right. However, Laura excels at it. She not only performs well but also enjoys the challenge it presents. She finds it intellectually stimulating, pushing her to think creatively. While she may not immediately admit to loving sales, she believes it’s an essential aspect of every business, one that cannot be hated because it underpins every industry.

For Laura, sales keeps her on her toes, and its quantitative nature allows her to measure her contributions concretely. She acknowledges its importance, even if she doesn’t particularly like it. When we discuss sales, we also touch on passion, which she sees as both an art form and a means of self-expression, much like fashion.

She dreams of pursuing something in the fashion industry in the future. However, she worries that she might lose motivation if she doesn’t see instant results, as patience isn’t one of her strongest virtues. I encourage her to pursue her fashion-related aspirations and to trust the process, even if it requires a bit of patience.

When it comes to the desire for a family, Laura speaks from the heart. She longs for companionship and envisions having a family of her own. Despite her concerns about finding love again and occasionally falling into the trap of trying to change herself to fit someone else’s expectations, she remains steadfast in her desire to marry and start a family. Yet, she sometimes worries about becoming the proverbial “aunty wa madoo” to her nieces and nephews based on a few past experiences.

My phone rings, it’s my sister calling, I text her to call after 30 minutes. Meanwhile, we find ourselves grappling with questions of morality as members of Generation Z. Laura and I often discuss the state of our society and our shared belief in the importance of doing what is right, even when it seems that immorality is becoming normalized. Despite our youth, we are firm in our conviction that our actions have consequences, and we strive to act in a way that will make us proud in the future. We understand that the choices we make today will shape the legacy we leave behind, standing as a testament to our values.

Our conversation swiftly transitions from morality to cars. Laura has a soft spot for cars, particularly the Volkswagen Golf GTI. Interestingly, her first boyfriend owned this car and sparked her interest in automobiles. Her dream, however, is to one day own a Mercedes G-Wagon G63. I share her enthusiasm for this vehicle; just thinking about it keeps me up at night.

As the clock ticks toward 5 PM, we all start feeling the pull to head home. In our final moments together, Laura shares that she doesn’t have a single hobby per se; she enjoys a variety of activities, from reading to listening to music, depending on her mood. I nod in agreement, admitting that I, too, don’t have a specific hobby for the same reason—I love trying out different things.

It’s fascinating to learn that Laura and her best friend are planning to venture into activities typically associated with the affluent. They’re considering starting Bikram yoga. I had no clue what that was until she mentioned it! Honestly, I haven’t looked it up yet, but from what she’s described, it seems like one of those things that won’t appeal to everyone, much like rap music or rhumba. What’s Bikram Yoga Anyway ?

@okelododdychitchats

Who Owns Your Heart ?

Tell me, how many souls are graced with the tender name “babe” upon your lips?
How many hearts beat to the rhythm of your love songs?
Do you truly hold us all, all eight of us, in your heart ?
Does fear not grip you, knowing the potential storms of entwined destinies?

I tremble.
Do Kemunto’s confessions, laid bare on her Instagram stories, not sow seeds of doubt and fear within your own heart?
How do you define love amidst the thorns of suffering that line your path?
Your love seems a storm, lacking in solace, a relentless force that scars the soul. It could be that your love is but a riddle, a confusion of torment.

I ask again, to whom among us do you pledge your eternal troth?
Am I but a pawn in your daily theater, a recipient of hollow promises and veiled deceits?
Your justifications ring hollow in my ears.
Who reigns supreme in the kingdom of your affections, and what pleasure do you glean from this complex dance of emotions?
Does guilt not weigh heavy upon your soul?
How do you go about this hammer-and-tongs sea of passion?
In the end, I concede; it is your prerogative to chart your course as you see fit. My role in this drama reaches its final act.
Who claims dominion over your heart?

@okelododdychitchats

Value Hub Kenya

We find ourselves at Mint and Salt, a charmingly decorated yet cozy restaurant tucked away behind Kenya Cinema. The youthful ambiance suggests that they serve up some delicious eats. The music sets a lively tone, though a tad loud for conversation, prompting us to opt for outdoor seating. Outside, the scene is bustling yet relaxed, with hawkers, shoppers, and passersby going about their business.

I order a crisp, cold white cup while Mutuma opts for a mocktail, chilled to perfection. My acquaintance with Mutuma dates back to our days at Multimedia University of Kenya, where we shared mutual friends in the Bachelor of Commerce program. You know how university students always stick together, whether it’s heading to the cafeteria or back to the hostel after class? Well, that was the Bachelor of Commerce Class of 2020 for you. In those communal journeys to Chafua, the Multimedia University equivalent of a cafeteria, I got to know Mutuma and some of his classmates.

However, it wasn’t until a stroke of luck led me to a fantastic deal on a screen protector and phone cover that I truly connected with Mutuma. At a time when a screen protector alone cost as much as Ksh. 300 and a phone cover went for Ksh. 500 if you didn’t have the right connections, stumbling upon someone offering both for Ksh. 300 seemed too good to be true. Intrigued, I dialed the number on those modestly designed posters, and to my surprise, it was Peter Mutuma on the other end.

Our business transaction proved fruitful, as Mutuma delivered top-notch quality in both the screen protector and phone cover. From that moment on, I knew I had found “a guy.” Our bond grew stronger over time, cementing a friendship that began with a simple transaction but evolved into something much more meaningful. And that’s how I came to know Mutuma.

His phone has been ringing constantly since we met, a testament to either his busy schedule, the thriving nature of his business, or the high level of customer satisfaction. I’m not quite sure which it is. This time, it’s a call from Martha, ordering camping chairs in anticipation of the KCB Sponsored WRC 2024 rally. Mutuma efficiently takes her order and dispatches his delivery guy to drop off three sets of chairs at Martha’s chosen pickup location in Nairobi West.

With the business momentarily settled, I seize the opportunity to inquire about Mutuma’s entrepreneurial journey. He now owns a shop located at Kenya Cinema, 4th Floor, Shop B5, Moi Avenue. Taking a sip of his mocktail, he pauses before recounting the story of how it all began.

In 2017, his parents gave him Ksh. 13,000 to buy a phone. Eager to make the most of this opportunity, he ventured to town one Saturday and purchased a Sony Ericsson for Ksh. 10,000 from a seller in Luthuli. Pleased with his purchase, he returned to the green monkey and warthog-infested grounds of Multimedia University, thinking he had not only acquired a good phone but also saved Ksh. 3,000.

However, upon showing off the phone to his friend Karanja, who had a knack for distinguishing between genuine and counterfeit phones, he discovered that he had been sold a fake. Karanja advised him to return the phone, but when Mutuma went back to the shop, he found that the seller was nowhere to be found. Disappointed but determined, he realized he needed a new plan to get a phone. With only Ksh. 3,000 remaining, he decided to sell items that everyone in school could afford: phone covers and screen protectors. These accessories were in high demand among smartphone owners looking to protect their devices and add a touch of style.

His first customer was his then-girlfriend, who willingly paid double the price for the goods, impressed by his initiative. Word spread quickly, and soon, he was making more sales than he had ever imagined. With the help of Karanja, he created posters and strategically placed them around the school, further boosting his sales.

As demand grew, so did Mutuma’s ambition. He began thinking of ways to expand his business, even venturing into selling phones after ensuring they were legitimate and fit for sale. By 2020, his business was flourishing. However, like many others, he faced a setback when the nation was hit by the Covid-19 pandemic.

He pauses to take a puff from his apple-flavored vape before expressing his concern about the impact of Covid-19 on his business. Like a soldier strategizing on the battlefield, he knew he had to regroup and adapt. At that time, his business was called “DnD Tech Africa,” initially standing for “deals and deliveries,” although many mistook it for “Do not Disturb.” Sensing the need for a more relatable name, he rebranded it as “Value Hub Kenya,” reflecting the quality and variety of tech products available at his one-stop shop.

He turned to platforms like Jiji, initially paying a monthly fee of Ksh. 3,000 to showcase his products. However, due to increased demand and the effectiveness of the platform, he now pays Ksh. 16,000 monthly. Additionally, he rented a shelf in town to give his business a physical presence and enhance its legitimacy. This move proved to be a turning point, as he diversified his offerings, ranging from cutting-edge tech gadgets to unique items that seemed ahead of their time.

When asked about taxes and the economy, Mutuma emphasized the importance of understanding buyer behavior. He believes that customers prioritize quality over price and value sellers who are knowledgeable about their products. Despite high taxes and economic challenges, he remains optimistic, noting that people’s addiction to technology ensures a steady demand for his products.

Mutuma’s commitment to quality and compliance is evident in his business philosophy: “Mpeni Kaisari mali ya kaisari” (“Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s”). Customers swear by the value they receive from Value Hub Kenya, often referring others to the shop. Mutuma, a true entrepreneur, has never been employed by someone else. While he doesn’t close the door on traditional employment opportunities, he finds fulfillment and achieves financial success through his entrepreneurial ventures.

As Lil Mama by Sauti Sol fills the air, we transition to discussing Mutuma’s other endeavors, including interior design, e-commerce systems, and digital marketing. His diverse skill set and entrepreneurial spirit make him a jack of all trades in the business world.

Check Value Hub Kenyas’s Website https://valuehubkenya.co.ke/ .

@okelododdychitchats.

Ian Gideyi

Sometimes I ask, what are thoughts? This is especially true when they are negative. Someone said something to an audience. The audience thinks, “Why are you so negative in life?” Get some positivity and you are like, “I was not telling you that to give your view. I was just speaking to free myself from these endless thoughts.” Again, what are thoughts for if the best they can do is fill us with fear and trouble our minds tirelessly? Is it for caution, not fear, as we may perceive it? What are thoughts and what are they for?

Ian Gideyi is a nice fellow. He is an air load Master in the Kenya Airforce. He studied aviation and chose to donate his skills to protect the Nation. Is he not a fantastic and patriotic guy? Ian is that person you will always want to be next to. He is funny, bubbly, and talkative. He is wise and careful. He likely learned this in the forces or from experience. I don’t know…. Before I get to his appearance, he is quite disciplined and has an “I don’t care” attitude. That sounds like a paradox to someone who’s cautious. Ian is a lot more interesting and never boring. He wears a clean haircut with a little more hair at the centre of his circular head than on the edges. We used to call this style “pank.” Nowadays they call it a “fade.” He is short and dark. His girlfriend will surely define him as handsome. That is what a girlfriend does, blows their own horn. In the fast place she landed in that box because she thought he looks good. I am proud to walk around the streets holding his hands. Save all the qualities a woman may look for in a man, looks is always a point.

I haven’t known Ian for long. I knew of him before I met him. I often heard of him from my brother, Vin. What I would say is, I want to meet this guy. I finally met him. The last time I saw him was on a Thursday evening. I was at his place at White House Court, Umoja. He was from picking his well-maintained Toyota 110 from the mechanic and I was from work. I returned his weighing machine. We had borrowed it to weigh Vin’s luggage. We did so to ensure they did not pass the weight limit indicated on the air ticket. We wanted to avoid the embarrassment to bring back home the extras from the Airport. The weighing machine at a point helped and we packed well not to go against the stated requirements.

That evening, our conversations covered many things. They were about everything but women. I mean, men always talk about women when they are alone. This time, we talked about Vin’s recent trip to Poland. It led to a discussion on being careful and ready for anything. The conversation reminded me of a day when Ian was talking to Vin on how life can be funny. You leave for work and then you come back when you are no more. Vin’s response was, “why are you negative?” Ian told him he was not negative. He said he was speaking reality with courage. At this moment, when Ian was sharing, I reflected on things that have happened. I thought of my first day at M-Gas. We were crossing the road with a guy we had boarded a matatu with. I saw strife and hard work on his face as he made phone calls. He went first. I don’t want to say he was not careful. Or that he did not look at the road before crossing. Because I did not see where that Government Pick-Up truck came from. It knocked him down and he was lifeless. His family were waiting for him to get back home. Now, they were to go check if it was him in the cold slabs of the government mortuary. I saw a lot of accidents along Mombasa Road and Outering Road. The best I could do is feel sad and empathize with the family. All the victims were hopeful at some point. They were out for various reasons. They hoped to see their families in the evening. They were not negative. It happened. I don’t know if it is fate or if it’s the devil who lurks around sometimes. I don’t know. It happens and may their souls rest in peace.

These thoughts came to me because of what happened on Sunday, 25th, February 2024. My question is why that date of all dates. I don’t mean that some dates are bad and others are not. I mean this was the date Vin was supposed to leave for Poland for a better life (He did travel that night). It was not a coincidence, I think. I still fail to understand what it was. Vin was heading to Ian’s place. Ian lives a stone throw away from where Vin and I lived. Vin was heading there to say goodbye to some people he needed to bid farewell to. These people impacted and still impact his life. He used the same route that he uses to that place…..

Then, on that day, the watchman guarding the nearby garage decides to leave his dogs untied. The dogs, upon seeing an enemy, Vin , decided to prey on them. Vin ran. A lady who was walking next to him decided to be calm, as we are always told to be calm when dogs chase after us. Vin escaped the dog bite(s) but hurt his leg’s palm. The lady received many bites. The watchman or garage owner should be sued for letting harmful dogs roam. The dogs attacked them on a public road, not on private property. They were just walking, not invading. This incident made me think. If Vin was bitten, he would have not traveled and the chance would have gone. It was just God working miraculously and I thank Him daily. I pray for the woman to get healed and get justice. This all brings me to Ian’s caution. He says life can change in a jiffy. I realize it’s not always fear of the unknown. Sometimes it’s caution! So as Ian puts it, “Brace for Impact.”

@okelododdychitchats

Fear and Desire

Loving someone deeply, it’s like standing on the edge of a cliff, feeling the exhilarating rush of emotions while simultaneously trembling with fear of the unknown. You can sense the depth of your love, like a warm hug wrapping around your soul, but expressing it feels like navigating a puzzle of uncertainties.

The words “I love you” hang heavy on your tongue, like precious gems waiting to be unearthed, yet somehow they remain lodged in the depths of your heart, hesitant to escape. The thought of losing her sends shivers down your spine, like a chilling gust of wind sweeping through your core, leaving you breathless and anxious.

The titles of boyfriend or husband seem like weighty crowns, heavy with expectations and responsibilities you’re not sure you’re ready to bear. The idea of promising forever feels like building a castle on shifting sands, unsure if the foundation will hold against the relentless tides of time.

And the thought of her bearing your name, becoming Mrs. Okelo, feels like drawing a line in the sand, a boundary between the known and the unknown, between comfort and vulnerability. You know you want to be with her, to share your life and dreams, but something holds you back, like invisible chains tethering you to your fears and uncertainties.

You’re haunted by the specter of failed relationships, like ghosts from the past whispering tales of heartbreak and betrayal, leaving scars that refuse to fade. The fear of watching love turn to hate, of seeing the once cherished title of Mrs. Okelo into the bitter resentment of a proud Miss, cuts deep into your soul, a wound that never seems to heal.

But amidst the darkness of doubt and fear, there is a glimmer of hope, a flicker of courage burning bright within you. You want to confront these fears, to unravel their tangled web and emerge stronger on the other side. You may not know how to tackle it, or how you’ll survive it, but you’re willing to take that leap of faith, to face the unknown head-on, because love, true love, is worth every ounce of fear and uncertainty.

@okelododdychitchats

Vin

As a young boy, I yearned for a brother, likely because I already had a sister I adored more than my prized shoe collection. Stella, the family’s lightweight champion with a smile and hair as soft as a marshmallow cloud…Before I hit the ripe age of two, we welcomed Vin, a lad born just yesterday (figuratively speaking) who’s now towering over me. Vin, the soft-spoken man, has a peculiar fondness for slim ladies, possibly because he’s as slim as a flagpole with legs darker than a midnight eclipse but a face lighter than a vanilla cupcake. He’s on a perpetual quest to look forever young with his clean-shaven face and head, convinced it’s the secret to eternal youth – not about looking neat, definitely not my style! Vin, the scholarly cyber security guru with a passion for infosec, not only admires my universal knowledge but also endorses my fashion sense to every Tom, Dick, and Aguko. His heart belongs to a slim, light-skinned Hip-Hop aficionado who sprinkles rich kid vibes like small pieces of colored paper, making me wonder how Vin copes as we, mere Village boys, attempt to blend into these urban jungles.

We, the dynamic sibling duo, grew up with the usual share of bickering, but let me tell you, I adore this brother of mine, and I’m convinced he secretly loves me back. Since completing his education, we’ve been living in a middle-class settlement in Umoja, Nairobi, indulging in our mutual fondness for each other. I practically have withdrawal symptoms when he’s away for too long, and just to clarify for the skeptics, I’m straight, and Vin is simply the son of my mother who I have every right to miss.

In this thrilling surge of chords, Vin, after enduring the nail-biting suspense of scholarship applications, struck academic gold on the illustrious date of August 1, 2023, he excitedly learned about his ticket to educational adventure in Poland. It’s almost like winning the lottery, but instead of cash, it’s a golden ticket to the world of master’s studies in some mysterious realm of information technology.

As Vin prepares to embark on this epic journey, I find myself torn between doing a happy dance for his success and composing a ballad dedicated to the impending void his absence will create in our everyday antics. The thought of him navigating Polish streets, perhaps learning to dance to a different beat in a Rhumba-less land, evokes both pride and a twinge of wistfulness.

We, the dynamic duo raised in the chaotic settlement of our shared childhood, now find ourselves at the crossroads of individual pursuits. Vin, armed with a passion for cyber security and a heart that beats in binary, is about to dive into the academic unknown. Meanwhile, I remain the proud, albeit slightly forlorn, supporter, sending waves of encouragement across continents and eagerly awaiting tales of his European escapades.

Our humble abode in Umoja, Nairobi, will undoubtedly echo with the ghostly laughter of shared jokes and the absence of late-night discussions on the profound (and the profoundly silly). While I’ll miss his kinks and our daily brotherhood, I am genuinely thrilled for Vin’s next chapter, which promises to be a tale of academic conquests, cultural revelations, and a few probably mispronounced Polish phrases.

So, here’s to you, Vin, my academic gladiator! As you march into the unknown, may you conquer each algorithm and triumph over every coding challenge. Remember to savor the taste of pierogi, dance like no one’s watching (but maybe someone is, so be careful), and make memories that will become legends we share over future holiday dinners.

As the calendar flips its pages, and the departure date approaches, I find solace in knowing that distance can’t dim the glow of sibling affection. Through the magic of technology, we’ll bridge the physical miles with virtual laughter, sharing the highs and lows of our respective worlds. Poland, get ready for the Vin invasion – it’s about to get a dose of Village charm!

Dear Vin, while my heart is brimming with farewells, it swells with pride for the fantastic journey you’re about to embark upon. So, go forth, my brother, embrace the adventure, and may the bytes of success and happiness always be in your favor. Give it your quirkiest best, and remember, no matter how far you roam, you’ll always have a Village-sized space in my heart. Safe travels, academic explorer! I love you, man!

@okelododdychitchats

This is my all village at the airport…Travel safe man! Be safe and do what you’re good at…It will only get better with time

Words weigh Heavy

You know,
I really dislike speaking, you know?
It’s like these words have a way of lingering,
haunting us, don’t they?
And sometimes,
they can be twisted against us
in life’s little courtroom dramas.
I just can’t bear the weight of that guilt, you know?

So, expressing what’s on my mind
becomes this Herculean task.

It’s not because I lack the finesse of language, mind you.
I mean, come on,
you’ve seen how polished my grammar is,
how effortlessly I can articulate myself.
I’m not trying to boast here, honestly.
It’s just that I’m holding back,
not because I’m spineless.
Sure, I might be a tad shy,
and I might even blush now and then,
but cowardice? Nah, that’s beneath me.

But the truth is,
I’m holding back because I’m scared.
There’s this invisible weight on my lips,
pressing them shut.
I’m afraid that whatever spills out
might be too harsh, too hurtful.
I never want to see that sorrow in your eyes,
or worse, cause it.
I fear my words might mar you
in some irreparable way.

So, I choose silence.
Forget it, never mind.
All I really want
is to be close to you,
closer than ever before,
to love you without any conditions.
I don’t expect anything in return,
though it would warm my heart
if you felt the same way about me.
Like Romeo to Juliet, you know?
Just love me,
and let’s leave everything else behind.

@okelododdychitchats

Is Hope Toxic ?

Sometimes in life, we experience moments of strength, while at other times, we feel incredibly vulnerable. It’s like we’re constantly navigating through challenges, holding onto the hope that eventually, things will improve. But let’s face reality for a moment. Situations often unfold in one of three ways.

Firstly, there’s the beautiful outcome where our hopes and efforts materialize into something wonderful. It’s like seeing the light at the end of a tunnel grow brighter with each step forward. Then, there’s the stagnant scenario where things seem to have plateaued. It’s neither particularly good nor bad, just a state of perpetual mediocrity that can be oddly comforting yet disheartening.

And finally, there’s the ugly turn of events, where things spiral downward relentlessly. It’s the kind of situation that feels suffocating, like being trapped in a nightmare that only worsens with each passing day. This begs the question: Is hope merely a delusion? Should we simply work hard and let fate take its course? Because let’s be honest, hope can be crushing when it fails to materialize into something tangible.

I’m drawn to both listening and speaking. There’s something deeply enriching about storytelling—it’s like a balm for the soul, massaging and soothing the mind in the most exquisite manner. It brings solace and fulfillment. But amidst these narratives, a recurring theme emerges—the pursuit of purpose.

Some argue that our purpose is simply to exist, devoid of any grand fulfillment. But then reflecting on those individuals who strive tirelessly, yet seem to achieve naught. Why would God create people in his own image and likeness, only to consign them to a fate of perpetual disappointment? I think back to those classmates with hearts of gold, diligent in their efforts yet unable to break through the barriers of success. Why such struggle with no reward?

As humans, hope seems hardwired into our DNA. It’s the flickering flame we cling to amidst the darkest of nights. But what happens when that flame flickers out? What if our efforts yield no fruit? The inevitable result is despair, a heavy clothe that weighs upon the shoulders of the hopeful. They wear positivity like a second skin, yet despite their relentless efforts, victory remains elusive, leading to a cavernous pit of depression.

Is positivity toxic, then? Should we not cling to it so fiercely? How can we navigate this delicate balance between hope and despair? The rising tide of suicide speaks volumes, with economic woes often cited as a leading cause. It’s a painful realization when we lose someone who seemed to give their all, yet found solace only in the release of death.

So, I ask again: Is hope, is positivity, somehow toxic? And if so, how do we combat it? How do we rewrite this tragic story? Let’s open up the dialogue. Perhaps loosening our grip on positivity could offer a glimmer of relief. But one thing is clear: We must stand united against the scourge of depression. And as we reach out to those in need, let’s offer not just criticism, but practical solutions, a guiding hand to lead through the stormy seas of life.

@okelododdychitchats

Cherished

My love for you runs deep,
Like a river carving through mountains, it’s a treasure I’ll always keep.
I’d rewrite every story, change every tune, just for you, my dear,
For your smile, your laughter, your love, my soul holds you near.

I’d paint the sky a different hue, if it meant seeing you smile,
I’d walk a thousand miles, just to hold you for a while.
In your eyes, I find my truth, in your arms, my sanctuary lies,
With you, my love, every moment feels like a prize.

I’ll rewrite the narratives of our lives, sculpt them with love and care,
With you by my side, I know we’ll make a perfect pair.
I’ll dance to the rhythm of your heartbeat, sync our souls in sweet hugs,
For in your love, I find my home, my solace, my saving grace.

So on this Valentine’s Day, let my words be a gentle decree,
My love, forever and always, it’s you and me.
I’ll rewrite our story, change our fate, if it means being with you,
For in this journey of love, my darling, it’s you I’ll always pursue.

@okelododdychitchats.